Worth It
by VictoriaEsme
Summary: Zoe and Max have everything, except a family. Can their relationship survive the lengthy adoption process that can give them everything they want?
1. Chapter 1

**Hello! I started writing this a while ago and thought it was time I posted it. It's looking to be quite long but I have written quite far in advance. I hope you like it! Please read and review, thank you! x**

 **Chapter One:**

It had been another hectic day in the ED. Since starting her shift more than seven hours ago, Zoe had barely found a chance to sit down. Between several RTCs and a drunk group of students the consultant was beginning to flag. The long and hectic days weren't as easy for her as they once were. So when her husband had tugged on her hand an insisted they take a lunch break together, Zoe more than readily agreed.

"Could you not have brought us something more interesting for lunch than a cheese sandwich?" Zoe asked, wafting the packaging under Max's nose. He just shrugged his shoulders, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

"It's three in the afternoon Zo, I didn't have much of a choice" He replied through a mouthful of cheese, his legs swinging as they perched on a wall outside the hospital entrance. "You should take breaks at normal times" Max added with a laugh.

"This is true" Zoe admitted, throwing the rest of her lunch into the nearest bin. The bread didn't taste right. Then again, it had come from the hospital shop so that was nothing out of the ordinary.

"It is national dress up day?" Max asked, nodding his head towards a group of toddlers dressed in electric blue graduation gowns and hats, complete with yellow tassels.

"It's the nursery graduation" Zoe pointed out, pointing towards a large banner which read 'Class of 2015',

"Nursery graduation?!" The porter exclaimed. "How ridiculous" He added with a mutter. Zoe just shrugged. No matter how hard she tried the consultant just couldn't tear her eyes away from the scene in front of her. Yes, a nursery graduation was madness but it was cute. She couldn't help the small tug in her heart that wished she and Max could attend something like that. Unfortunately, it was more than unlikely. Zoe had found out she was infertile many years ago and thought she had dealt with it. However, falling in love and marrying Max had made the desire for their own family just that little bit stronger.

"You alright?" Max asked gently, noticing Zoe's frown. Her eyes were still fixated on the scene unfolding in front of her, a sad smile gracing her lips. She nodded weakly. Max slipped a hand into hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze. She gratefully reciprocated. "You're enough" Max reminded her softly, placing butterfly kisses along her hairline. Zoe managed a weak smile. He'd told her that the day he had proposed. He said it didn't matter that they couldn't have a family because she was more than enough. He liked to remind her every now and again and it still made her heart flutter in her chest. The pair sat in a companionable silence for a while, just enjoying the solace of the other's company during a hectic day.

"My break was over a long time ago" Zoe announced after a while. Her head was resting on Max's shoulder and his head upon hers.

"Mine too" The porter admitted, quickly hopping off the wall they were sat on and to his feet. He held his hand out to her which she gratefully received and shimmied off the wall herself, careful of her dress.

"Come and find me when you finish?" Zoe asked. Max nodded. Despite only being married a few months they had fallen into a comfortable and settled routine. Max would head to Zoe's office after his shift and keep her company until her paperwork was up together. Then they would head home for dinner and a quiet life. Whilst it wasn't exciting, they were settled and they were happy.

"Love you" Max told her gently, placing a gentle kiss on her cheek. Zoe smiled, watching as he walked back into the ED and towards his 'office'. Their relationship was less than conventional and they had their fair share of troubles but Zoe couldn't help but remind herself that she was very lucky. With the smile returned to her lips, Zoe walked back into work feeling refreshed and ready to take on whatever the afternoon had to throw at her.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for your lovely comments! Here is the second chapter, I hope you like it. Please read and review, thank you! x**

 **Chapter Two:**

"What are you looking at?" Robyn asked, tilting her head to get a glimpse at the computer scene.

"Nothing" Max replied, swiftly closing the tab he had open.

"Hmm" Robyn teased, winking at her step brother before flouncing off back towards cubicles. Max breathed a sigh of relief before opening the tab again.

"Max, can you take the patient in cubical two up to x-ray please?" Max turned to the sound of Tess' voice. Her eyebrow ached at the computer screen, an adoption information page still open. Max nodded before swiftly closing the tab and logging out of the computer. The porter tried to ignore Tess' critical expression as he took the wheelchair from her. The nurse went to make a comment but was cut off by an exasperated Max.

"I was just looking" He told her, careful to keep his voice quiet from any prying eyes or ears.

"As long as you know what you're doing" Tess replied softly.

"Not really" The porter admitted, struggling to meet his friend's eye.

"Be careful with her won't you?"

"Always" Max replied softly, causing a smile to tug at the corner of the nurse's lips.

"Come on, best not keep Mr Peters waiting" Tess added, nodding towards cubical two. Max smiled gratefully at her before heading off to pick up a very impatient Mr Peters.

* * *

Max knocked on the door to his wife's office before letting himself in without even waiting for a reply. Zoe looked up as he walked in, greeting him with the smile she reserved for just him.

"Hey" Max greeted, walking towards her desk before bending to softly kiss her lips. "Good day?"

"Busy!" Zoe replies, refocusing on her paperwork as Max settles himself on the sofa in the corner of her office. "How was your day?

"Busy" He replied, mimicking Zoe's reply with a laugh.

"I'm sure you once told me that you don't do anything?" The consultant teased, scribbling onto the corner of her page as her pen began to run out.

"Pushing patients around is hard work you know!" Her husband mocked, laughing as Zoe threw her pen across her desk and picked up a new one. "Anyway" Max added. "I was in reception earlier and I happened to spot these" Zoe looked up quizzically from her paperwork to spot Max pulling two crumpled leaflets from his back pocket. He placed them in front of her, stopping to stand by her side as she read the title.

"Adoption?" The consultant managed to ask, her mouth suddenly feeling very dry.

"I mean, there's no pressure" Max begin to babble. "I just saw them and after lunch earlier it just made sense. I've thought about it before but it just didn't seem like the right time but we're married now and there's nothing to stop us. I've been looking on the internet and its quite a lengthy process, especially if we wanted a newborn" He continued, barely stopping for breath. It didn't matter anyway because Zoe's head was spinning and she was barely taking any of it in. It had been the last thing she was expecting. "Obviously if you hate the idea we'll just never mention it again but there's no harm in asking right" Max stopped, pausing to look down at Zoe. Her eyes still fixated on the leaflets. She picked one of them up, turning it over in her shaky hand.

"Max" She managed to whisper, a hand finding it's way to push her hair back from her face.

"I know it's a lot of take in" Max whispered, quickly crouching by the side of her desk in order to catch her eye. He gently turned Zoe's office chair so that she was facing him, quickly taking his hands in hers. "If you hate the idea, that's okay. I honestly don't mind. I just want you to think about it Zo" Zoe struggled to form a response but nodded.

"This is a big decision Max" She told him, her voice barely audible. Max nodded, rubbing soothing circles into the top of her hand.

"I know. There's no pressure, take as much time as you need"

"Thank you" Zoe whispered, leaning in to place a soft kiss on his cheek.

"You're more than enough" Max told her gently, resting his forehead upon hers. "I don't mind if you say no but just give it some thought, this could be a really exciting new adventure for us" He added, pausing to kiss the bridge of her nose. "Shall we go home?" Zoe nodded, smiling softly.

"I love you, you know" She told him, her voice quiet. Max couldn't help the smile that tugged at the corner of his lips.

"I love you too" He replied, placing one last kiss on his lips before pulling Zoe to her feet and taking her hand ready to head home.


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks again for all your reviews! Here is chapter three, please read and review. I hope you like it! x**

 **Chapter Three:**

 _Zoe peered into the cot, the chocolate brown eyes of a sweet baby girl staring back at her. The child was gurgling happily, a hand attempting to grasp Zoe's. Zoe leant forward to stroke the girl's cheek, seconds later the baby clasped Zoe's finger in her tight grasp._

 _"_ _Hello little lady" Zoe heard herself whisper. "You look beautiful today" She told the four month old who giggled gleefully in response. "Is that funny?" Zoe asks, tickling her tummy. The baby squirmed and continued to laugh. The consultant found it impossible not to smile, the baby's joy was infectious. Feeling a familiar pair of arms around her waist, Zoe looked up to see Max's head resting on her shoulder._

 _"_ _Good morning to my beautiful girls" He smiled, having just got in from a night shift. Zoe rested her head against his, letting Max constantly kiss the side of her cheek. Life was perfect._

A week later Zoe awoke to the feeling of Max gently brushing his fingers through her hair. She slowly opened her bleary eyes to his familiar and smiling face.

"Good morning" He greeted, placing a kiss on her forehead. Zoe smiled, still feeling warm and happy from her sweet dreams. "Did you sleep well?" Zoe nodded. Since Max had brought up the topic of adoption last week Zoe's thoughts and dreams had been filled with the vision of their own little family. At night it was easy to let her thoughts run wild. Reality seemed to kick in more during the day and highlight the flaws and potential problems they might run into if they were to adopt.

"You were smiling in your sleep" Max informed her gently, a smile on his lips. Zoe's eyes widened.

"How long were you watching me sleep?" Zoe's voice rose by an octave or two as she laughed.

"Not long" He replied. "You looked happy" He added softly. "What were you dreaming about?"

"Can't remember" Zoe replied sheepishly. Max mumbled a non-committal reply.

"Were you dreaming about me?" Max teased, leaning across to tickle her exposed stomach. Zoe squealed, squirming beneath his touch.

"I'll keep tickling until you tell me" He threatened with a laugh, his voice slightly louder so she could hear him over her squeals of laughter. Zoe hesitated for a moment before agreeing.

"Fine, fine, I surrender!" She laughed, lifting her hands in the air in mock defeat. Max instantly stopped tickling, leaning to lay on his side, his head resting on his hand.

"I can't stop having the same dream about us" She admitted, her voice quiet. "It's you and me and this beautiful little girl. We adopted her but we love her so much. She's beautiful and she never stops smiling" Zoe informs him. Her voice is soft but she is smiling. Max is instantly enchanted.

"It sounds perfect" He replied softly.

"It is" Zoe agrees, a sad smile on her lips. "I wish it was real" The consultant adds, sighing softly.

"It can be" Max offers. Zoe shrugs.

"It's not that simple"

"Why isn't it?" Her husband asks. She shrugs again.

"It's too early for this conversation" Zoe suddenly replies before adding "we're going to be late for work". The consultant pulls herself out of bed and heads towards the shower.

"Zo?" Max calls, his voice unsure as his wife turns back towards him. "Shall we go out for dinner tonight? Talk properly I mean?" Zoe hesitates before nodding, Max smiles gratefully.

"Are you coming?" Zoe asks, nodding towards the shower. Max's smile turns into a mischievous grin. He quickly hops out of bed and heads towards the bathroom, grabbing Zoe by the hand and leading her towards the shower.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four:**

Another busy day in the ED ensued. By the time Max had got to Zoe's office it was least an hour after their shifts had finished. Without bothering to knock he walked in, surprised to see her office chair empty. He headed back towards cubicles and rhesus, hoping to find her there.

"Zo!" He called, walking towards the nurse's station where she was stood frantically scribbling on some discharge papers. Zoe lifted her head at the call of her name to find Max stood in front of her.

"Shit! She suddenly cursed. "Is it time to go?"

"It was time to go over an hour ago" Max teased. Zoe sighed, looking back down at the pile of papers she still had to complete.

"I'm sorry, I've still got so much to do" She replied sadly, frustrated that she hadn't kept better track of time.

"It's okay" Max replied gently "I'll order a takeaway and we can have it in your office whilst you work?" Max was used to being married to a consultant. Whilst Zoe often tried to put Max first sometimes it just wasn't possible. She didn't much feel like going out anyway. She was exhausted.

"That sounds perfect, I'll just grab all my paperwork and I'll meet you in the office"

"Any preference for dinner?" Max asks as he turns to walk away.

"Up to you" Zoe calls, already half way across the ED in search of all her patient files but were still yet to be completed. Zoe smiled, she was so blessed to have Max. He allowed her to juggle her work and home life so perfectly that her stress levels were half what they once were. Maybe adding another person into the equation wouldn't be so difficult after all.

* * *

Zoe yawned, stretching her arms right above her head, her feet outstretch underneath the desk. Between dinner and paperwork the time had flittered away. It was nearly 10:30pm by the time Zoe put her pen down and announced that was definitely enough for the day. Max had spent the time on Zoe's laptop playing games and watching TV.

"You finished?" Max asked, noticing that Zoe was starting to sort everything into organised piles.

"Yeah, just about" She replied with a smile. "Thanks for staying behind with me to get this done" She added gratefully.

"Anything for you" Max smiled honestly.

"Now, we were going to talk" Zoe replied gently, climbing off her office chair and heading towards the sofa. She turned off the main office light and flicked on the lamp leaving them in a dull orange glow. Zoe sat next to her husband lifting her knees to her chest. Max instinctively slung a loose arm around her shoulders.

"We don't have to, it's late" Max told her softly. Zoe shook her head.

"We do. I've made you sit here all night and watch me work. I owe you this" His wife told him adamantly.

"Honestly Zo, it can wait" Zoe just ignored his protests as she cut him off.

"I've been thinking, like you asked me to" She began. Max couldn't help but smile as she completely ignored him and began talking anyway. "Actually, I haven't been able to stop thinking" Zoe added honestly. "It's been playing on my mind ever since you mentioned it"

"Me either" Max replied honestly, his voice quiet.

"It's not an easy decision to make" Zoe whispered softly. "I mean, we work crazy hours for a start"

"I can give up my job" Max replied, his voice even. "You pay more in taxes than I earn Zo. I'd feel like I was helping out more if I was raising our child as opposed to adding my measly wage to our joint account"

"You've really thought about this haven't you?" Zoe asked, his maturity and endless ability to love making her heart flutter inside her chest. Max just shrugged. "It's not going to be an easy process" Zoe added. "I mean, people are literally going to be judging us, our home, our lifestyle. That's not going to be easy. We might not even get approved!" This time Max shook his head. Zoe was right. Considering how many children needed adopting, they made the process challenging and tedious.

"What else scares you?" Max asked honestly. This time Zoe hesitated.

"My ability to love someone who isn't mine" She replied finally, her voice barely audible. The consultant sighed before resting her head on her husband's shoulder.

"I don't doubt your ability to love" Max told her, his voice strong. "You took Sharice on" He added, nodding to the photo of Zoe and the small girl she had fostered for a short while. "You nearly formally adopted her"

"Nearly" Zoe retorted.

"Yes but that wasn't because you didn't love her" Max replied. Zoe shrugged, snuggling further into her husband's embrace needing to be reassured by his perpetual love for her. "And what makes you want to say yes?" He asked after a short silence.

"The chance to have our own family" Zoe replied almost instantly. The thought was enchanting. "Someone else to love, someone to raise, someone to share adventures with" The tears were beginning to gather in the corner of her eyes and Zoe had to blink them away. "Someone who was ours" Max nodded and the couple fell into a comfortable silence, both contemplating the possibilities in their future.

"Does the possibility of our own family make you want to take the risk?" Max asked.

"Yes" The consultant replied tearfully. The butterflies in her stomach were enough to make her feel sick. They were teetering on the edge of a life changing moment and the mixture of adrenaline, anticipation and hope was almost too much to handle. Max felt it too. "What about you? Do you want to take the risk?" She asked her husband, her voice came out a long stronger than she was expecting it too.

"Yes" The porter replied honestly.

"Is that it then? Are we doing this?" Zoe managed to ask, her voice quiet. Max couldn't stop the grin that was pinching at the corner of his lips.

"I guess so!"

The pair fell into silence. Their monumental decision had been made. It felt like there should have been fireworks. Anything to mark the moment. Of course there wasn't. Just the two of them clinging onto each other for reassurance, silence, love and an unspoken hope which made the prospect of the future feel a little bit less daunting.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for your reviews! Sorry about this next chapter, it's a bit short and a bit of a filler but I hope you like it anyway. Please remember to read and review! Thanks x**

"Do you want to do it or shall I?" Max asked, his voice laced with nerves. He held his phone towards her but she quickly pushed it away.

"You do it" She decided before adding "I feel sick".

"Me too" Max nodded, slowly dialling the number for the adoption agency. Zoe & Max had spent the last week researching the process of adoption and looking at potential agencies. They'd found one they were happy with and decided to make a call just to register their interest and ask for some more information. Except neither of them were brave enough.

"I'm going to do it" Max said decisively, double checking the number one last time.

"I can't listen" Zoe quickly decided before rushing out of the room. Max debated going after her. He wanted to do this together but if she found it easier this way then he wasn't going to argue with her. Zoe heard Max press dial before she paced towards their bedroom. Throwing herself down onto the large double bed she wracked a shaky hand through her hair, desperately trying to compose herself. She heard Max say 'hello?' before she had to cover her hands over her ears. This was all becoming very real and the consultant already had already set her heart on it. She wouldn't know what to do if the agency weren't interested in them.

It seemed like Max was on the phone for hours but in reality it was only just over fifteen minutes. The woman on the other end had been very chatty and very helpful. Max couldn't thank her enough. After putting down the phone he walked into the bedroom, finding Zoe curled up, her hands still over her ears. Max sat beside her causing her to open her eyes. He was smiling and Zoe instantly felt at ease, her hands were still shaking though.

"They were brilliant Zo!" Max told her gently, sensing that she was waiting for him to put her out of her misery. Zoe smiled.

"What did they say?"

"I didn't say we definitely want to start the process, I said we were interested and we wanted to know a bit more. She's going to come round on Thursday and talk to us. We have to fill out some paperwork and she wants to find out a bit more about us. She also invited us to a social event that's happening in a few weeks. Apparently lots of adoptive parents, agency workers and potential adopters get together to provide information and support. It sounds really good" Max was talking so fast, barely even pausing to take a breath. He was so overwhelmed at how well the phone call had gone that he could barely contain his excitement. "We're one step closer Zo" He told her gently, letting her snuggle into his side.

"This is mad" Zoe whispered after a while, breaking the comfortable silence between them. "I still can't believe we are doing this. I can't believe this is all happening"

"You're happy though aren't you Zo?" Max asked, his voice unsure. Zoe just smiled.

"Of course I am" She replied honestly before leaning up to place a kiss on his lips. It was all just a lot to take in.


	6. Chapter 6

**Here is chapter six, I hope you like it. Please remember to leave your thoughts, reviews and ideas so I know whether you are enjoying it or what I can do to improve it! Thank you! x**

 **Chapter Six:**

Thursday quickly came around Zoe was rudely awoken by the sound of her alarm. She rolled onto her side, groaning as she harshly rubbed her tired eyes. The consultant had really only slept for around an hour and she was subsequently feeling exhausted. Today was the day they would be meeting a representative from the adoption agency and the nausea Zoe was experiencing was almost overwhelming. She'd been restless all night due to the nerves and vaguely remembered sending Max to sleep in the spare room during the night because he told her to 'stay calm'. Zoe could barely think straight through the all-encompassing nerves. And she still had a nine hour shift to get through before the meeting.

"Max?" She called through the house, scrambling out of bed and heading towards the spare room. "Max?"

"You okay?" Zoe saw Max appear in the corridor, a frying pan in his hand. Zoe nodded. "I'm making breakfast, you want some?" Even the thought of food made Zoe want to wretch, she quickly shook her head. Max's eyebrows furrowed as he frowned. "You okay?" He asked again following Zoe into the open plan living room-kitchen.

"Feel sick" Zoe announced quietly, scrunching up her nose as Max placed the frying pan back onto the hob and the smell of eggs filled the room. She sat on the sofa playing with a loose thread on her pyjama bottoms trying to summons the energy to get ready for work before they were late.

"You still feeling nervous?" Her husband asked gently, abandoning his breakfast to sit next to her on the sofa. She instantly curled into his side, seeking comfort and familiarity.

"Are you not?" Zoe asked, her voice rising an octave at the thought of Max feeling calm when she felt like she had a butterfly farm in her stomach.

"It's just a meeting Zo" Max pointed out softly, slinging a loose arm around her shoulders. Zoe shrugged.

"I still think I'm going to be sick" She replied bluntly.

"Come on. Go and get ready, work will take your mind off it" The porter told her honestly. He placed a gentle kiss on her cheek before ushering her off the sofa and towards the stairs. Sighing softly Max went back to making himself breakfast. Of course he was nervous but he had to stay calm for Zoe. After all, it was just a meeting.

* * *

Zoe and Max had barely seen each other all day, a consequence of working in a very busy emergency department. It was only when Tess came to find him to admit she had a very peaky looking Zoe in her office did Max track her down. Following Tess with a concerned look on his face he spotted Zoe looking sorry for herself sat on the nurse's office chair.

"Zo" Max paced towards her, embracing her in a familiar hug. "What's up?" Zoe shook her head into chest. "It's just nerves Zo" He told her softly rubbing soothing circles into her back.

"She said she was feeling sick so I've given her an antiemetic" Tess informed Max. He smiled gratefully towards their friend.

"Thanks Tess" He replied softly "It's just nerves, she'll be fine" Zoe was still nuzzled into his shoulder. She was normally very reluctant to show affection towards Max in public, especially at work, but her need to be close today just proved how nervous she really was.

"It is anything to worry about?" The nurse asked awkwardly, not wanting to be nosey but wanting to know how she could help her closest friend. Max contemplated an answer but he and Zoe had talked about not telling anyone in case anything were to go wrong. However, the nervous wreck of a wife in his arms told him that they would need all the support they could get. Besides, Tess had seen him looking at the adoption website. She'd probably figured it out already.

"We think we want to adopt" Max told Tess quietly, he felt Zoe tense in his arms. He began to rub circles into her back again. "We have a social worker coming round tonight so we can register our interest. Except Zo is a bit nervous, that's all" Tess nodded, she had that kind and understanding look in her eyes which he was so used to and so grateful for. Zoe suddenly sat up, looking for some kind of reaction from Tess. She was met with a gentle and accepting smile. Zoe physically relaxed, her shoulders slumping slightly.

"I'm really pleased for you both" Tess replied softly. "I hope it works out for you" She added with a smile. Max smiled back, gratitude evident in his eyes. "Head home both of you" Tess continued. "I'll get it cleared with Connie"

"No" Zoe started to protest "I need to be here, take my mind off it"

"Oh Zoe" Tess smiled "You've been useless all day" She laughed, watching a smile tug at the corner of Zoe's lips. "Go home, get some rest, go for a walk in the sunshine, do anything but please stop worrying. I'm sure they just want to find out a bit more about you, nothing to be nervous about". Zoe however didn't look convinced.

"She's literally got our future in her hands" The consultant replied quietly.

"Honestly Zoe, you've got nothing to worry about" Her friend told her gently. "Are you feeling any better?" She asked, hoping the sickness had lessened. Zoe nodded.

"Thank you Tess. Sorry for being such a pain"

"Not at all" The nurse smiled. "Now go home" She added with a laugh. Max took Zoe's hand and pulled her to her feet.

"Thanks again Tess" Max whispered, bending down to kiss her cheek. Tess pulled them both in for a hug.

"Good luck" She called as they turned to leave the room. "You're going to be just fine" She added honestly. They smiled gratefully towards her. Her support meant so much that their gratitude could hardly be expressed. They walked out the ED feeling a little bit more positive about the meeting that lay ahead.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the slower updates, I'm currently travelling around Ireland and trying to find wifi is a nightmare! However; here is chapter seven. I hope you're still enjoying this! x**

 **Chapter Seven:**

In the end, Max and Zoe had taken Tess' advice and gone for a long walk around the local park. It was nice to just talk, enjoy the sunshine and feel comforted by the other's company. It was also nice to know that however nervous or anxious they were feeling, there was someone else who felt exactly the same way. By the time seven o'clock rolled around a strange sense of calm had washed over them both. When the doorbell rang Max had answered it, Zoe hanging just that little bit behind him.

"Hello, you must be Max and Zoe?" An older lady smiled, holding her hand out to greet them. "I'm Jane, nice to meet you"

"And you" Max had smiled, shaking her hand. Zoe once again hung back, her nerves beginning to make a last minute reappearance. Max led Jane into the lounge and offered her a cup of tea. She gratefully accepted and Max quickly disappeared off to make it. Zoe's heart began to hammer against her chest as she took a seat in the armchair opposite Jane.

"So Zoe, what do you do?" Jane asked, trying to pass her questioning off as polite conversation. She could sense Zoe's nerves and attempted to try and settle her qualms.

"I'm a doctor" Zoe replied "A consultant" She added quickly in an attempt to correct herself. "At Holby City Emergency Department"

"Wow. That's very impressive" Jane replied. "And Max? Is he a doctor too?"

"He's a porter" Zoe replied quietly, almost waiting for Jane's expression to fall and for her to scribble furiously into a notebook. When she didn't, Zoe relaxed visibly.

"And how long have you been together?"

"About two years. We've been married a year" The consultant replied politely, cursing how long Max took to make a cup of tea. Luckily, the open plan lay out of the living room and kitchen meant that she could still see him which slightly put her at ease. When he finally joined them he sat on the arm of the chair next to Zoe, a loose arm around her shoulders. Jane smiled softly, she liked them already.

"Can I ask why you have chosen to look into adoption?" Zoe and Max exchanged a glance. He noticed her expression fall and gently squeezed her shoulder.

"We can't have children" Max replied simply, careful to say 'we' and not Zoe specifically. He never wanted her to feel blamed or at fault.

"Well I'm glad you've chosen to adopt" Jane smiled softly. "I really think you would be lovely parents". The trio talked for a long while about all aspects of their lives. Jane asked about what type of child they would like to adopt. They hadn't really discussed it before but both shared a preference for a baby or younger child. Jane explained that there was a waiting list for new-borns and that the process may be slightly longer if they wanted a younger child. Max and Zoe nodded, it would be worth it for their perfect future Max had said.

Jane had stayed for a good hour when she finally announced that it was time to leave the couple in peace. She promised to keep in touch as she would need references and promptly left. As soon as Max closed the front door Zoe practically fell into his arms with relief. He rubbed her back softly, he was so proud of her.

"That went so well" Max mumbled into her hair, kissing the top of her head repeatedly. Zoe leaned up to kiss his lips. He responded by deepening the kiss before resting his forehead upon hers. "I'm so proud of you Zo, I know how nervous you were" Zoe didn't reply but smiled gently. They stood in silence for a long moment until Max's shoulder began to feel damp. "Hey, what's wrong?" His voice was the softest that Zoe had ever known it. The consultant looked up, her eyes stained with tears.

"I just can't believe we might finally be getting our own family" She admitted, her voice barely audible but her lips were curled into a smile. Max bent down to kiss her lips. "I love you" She admitted sincerely, her eyes glittering in the dark lighting of the hallway.

"I love you too" Max whispered before gently wiping the tear tracks of her cheeks with his thumb.


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you for the kind reviews, they mean a lot! Here is a short filler chapter, sorry it's not very interesting! I am on my way back from Ireland with loads of ideas for this fic so hopefully there will be lots of updates in the future.**

 **Chapter Eight:**

It had been a few weeks since their visit from Jane and apart from sorting out references, things had been very quiet on the adoption front. The couple found themselves talking about it less and less because frankly, there was less to talk about. No news was meant to be good news but in this case, it just made the couple feel uneasy. Unfortunately, they would have to get used to playing a waiting game as there would be a lot of that to come within the next year or so.

Max came in from his shift at work around 3pm to find Zoe sprawled across the sofa having an after lunch nap. He couldn't stop the smile that graced his lips. It didn't take long before Zoe was awake, a combination of Max rustling packaging whilst making a snack and turning the TV on. She groaned and rolled over before spotting Max and grinning.

"You're back!" She observed with a smile.

"That's a keen eye for detail" Max teased, chucking a crisp in her direction which to her surprise she caught and subsequently ate.

"How was work?" She asked through a mouthful of crisp.

"Oh you know, the usual. Pushing trollies, telling jokes" He tormented, ducking as a pillow shot across the room towards his head. "Bit rude" He added with a laugh. "What shall we do with the rest of our day Mrs Walker?"

"Hanna-Walker!" Zoe corrected him, Max pouted.

"I've told you, there's no need for all that doubled-barrelled nonsense. Mrs Walker will do just fine" The porter laughed. He'd tried to convince her to take his name but she'd compromised and chosen Hanna-Walker. She wouldn't even take Walker-Hanna just to please him.

"Hanna-Walker!" She corrected him again, sitting up and pointing a finger towards him. Max laughed.

"Alright, alright" He teased "Just don't come crying to me when everyone thinks your name is Hannah" Zoe was laughing now because the point he was making was entirely true. When she introduced herself as Mrs Hanna-Walker people often assumed her first name was Hannah. She didn't like to tell Max that she didn't use Hanna-Walker for that very reason and often now introduced herself as just Zoe Walker. "Anyway Mrs Hanna-Walker-" he emphasised that bit just to make her laugh. "What shall we do with the rest of our day?"

"Relax" Zoe replied simply.

"Not very exciting" Max winked at her and she giggled like a schoolgirl. Zoe got up from where she was lay and moved across so she was sat next to him, her head on his chest.

"I just feel like we've been so stressed out with work and all the adoption stuff. It's nice to just not think about any of it and unwind" She told him simply, her body automatically relaxing against his and he began to continuously run his fingers through her hair.

"Pick a film then" Max replied, nudging her in the ribs with a laugh. Zoe dragged herself to her feet and picked up the Friends boxset which they were slowly working their way through. Zoe and Max let themselves unwind completely, just enjoying each other's presence. It was nice not to think or worry about anything, just for a while. After-all, the next big thing would come along soon enough, Zoe was sure of it. It usually did.


	9. Chapter 9

**This story has just reached 1000 views so as a celebration; here is chapter nine! Thank you for reading and reviewing this story, I really love writing it and hope to see it through. Please remember to leave your reviews, comments and ideas and thank you for your continued support! Thank you x**

 **(Warning: There is a swear word or two in this chapter!)**

 **Chapter Nine:**

Zoe was right. Within a few days Max had received a call from the adoption agency about an event happening the following weekend. The event would be held in London where a large range of support workers, social workers, adoptive parents, adopted children and potential adopters would meet. The event aimed to provide information to potential adopters as well as giving a chance for current adopters to meet and share their experiences. Max had been excited about getting the ball rolling again after a lull and had instantly agreed.

"Zo! Guess what?" Max enthused, rushing through the door to his wife's office and landing on the chair opposite hers with a thud.

"I'm busy Max" Zoe replied, her voice hushed as she covered the other end of the phone. Connie had suddenly decided to head to New York for a few weeks to visit Grace, leaving Zoe to step into the breach as clinical lead. Max had barely seen Zoe since she took over the role as she'd been working nearly every hour of every day. It wasn't ideal but thankfully it was temporary.

"It's important Zo!" Max told her, his eyes glinting with mischief. Zoe shot him a disbelieving look but made to hang up anyway.

"I'm sorry Mr Hanssen, something has come up. Can I call you back in a moment?" Henrik grumbled something incoherent and hung up leaving Zoe muttering.

"What is it Max? I've got a lot to do" The consultant asked, leaning her elbows on the desk as she looked towards her husband.

"You could look at least a little bit interested" Max replied sarcastically, leaning forward in his chair and crossing his arms. What he wasn't expecting was Zoe's explosive reaction.

"Just sometimes Max I have more important things to do than listen to your idle hospital gossip!" The consultant suddenly snapped. Max recoiled immediately. "I'm trying to run a department here, singlehandedly. Not only has Connie disappeared without warning she's left me with all the annual staff appraisals to complete before the end of the week" Zoe was practically shouting. "And on top of all that, I'm trying to get my head around all this adoption stuff" Her voice was now barely a whisper and exhausted tears were threatening to fall. "I'm so fucking scared Max and no one seems to care. I can't handle at the moment this extra responsibility at the moment, there's just too much going on in my head Max. It's all too much!" The porter quickly stood to his feet and walked towards his wife, wrapping her in a comforting and familiar embrace. Shen started to sniffle softly into Max's shoulder causing his heart to sink into the pit of his stomach.

"Oh Zo" He whispered gently. "Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"As if I've had the chance" She mumbled through her tears. "I've barely seen you all week, let alone had a chance to talk to you" Max placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head. "I've missed you" She added sadly.

"I've missed you too Zo" Max replied gently, once again kissing the top of her head. They just stood in each other's arms for a long while, enjoying the calm and comfort that it brought them. Zoe immediately felt much calmer for getting her worries off her chest.

"I'm sorry I shouted at you, I just needed that" She told him quietly. Max smiled.

"Don't apologise, I'm always here if you need to talk or shout" Zoe reached up to kiss him on the lips, she was so grateful for him.

"What did you come in here to tell me?" She asked, leading him over to the sofa and cuddling into his side.

"The adoption agency rang" Max automatically felt Zoe tense in his arms. He rubbed soothing circles into her back. "They have invited us to an event at the weekend, some sort of gathering for new, potential adopters" he continued.

"Mm?"

"We don't have to go" Max told her honestly. "Maybe it's the wrong time, especially now you're acting clinical lead for the foreseeable future. If it's too much for you to think about at the moment then that's okay, honestly" The porter continued. "Just because we miss this event it's not like we're giving up on the whole idea"

"Max, stop panicking" Zoe laughed gently, taking his hand squeezing it affectionately. "I'd like to go to the event" She smiled. Max visible relaxed.

"Are you sure you can get the time off?" He asked, to which Zoe laughed.

"Hey, for the time being I run this place. Time off is not a problem, neither will it be for you. I'll speak to Mac" Max smiled gratefully.

"I'm excited" The porter admitted. Zoe nodded.

"I don't know" The consultant replied softly. "You get all excited and start actually believing that one day you'll have a family and then every step of the process takes so long that you start to lose hope, the nerves take over again" Zoe told him, her voice barely audible. Max understood completely and tightened his arm to pull her closer into a hug. She automatically nuzzled further into his side.

"Don't lose hope Zo" Max replied quietly. "This is our dream and one day soon we're going to have our little boy or girl. We can take them on holiday or on picnics, play games and tuck them, in at night" His voice was enchanting and Zoe could almost feel her heart fluttering in her chest. He made everything seem that little bit easier.

"I can't wait" Zoe told him honestly. "I can't wait until we know whether we're having a boy or a girl and what age they are so we can go shopping and decorate their room" She was smiling and it was contagious, Max was almost beaming. "It might make it feel a bit more real". The porter nodded. They sat for a long while just talking about their future, their child, their hopes and their dreams. It wasn't long however until Zoe's pager began to beep relentlessly.

"I have to go" She told him sadly. Max just smiled and pulled her to her feet. "I love you" She added honestly. "I promise I'll be home at a reasonable time tonight" Max held out his little finger and Zoe laughed, extending hers so they could pinkie promise.

"See you at home" Max laughed as she grabbed her stethoscope and headed towards the door, her pager beeping again. "Love you" Max called down the corridor after her, not caring who would hear. Zoe laughed as she walked away, blushing furiously as she headed into rhesus where her team awaited her instruction. Max's heart swelled as he watched her, she made him so proud.


	10. Chapter 10

**This story has reached twenty reviews and all your kind words make me so happy. So; as a thank you here is chapter ten! I'm unsure about this chapter but I hope you enjoy it! Please remember to leave your reviews and comments, I love to read them! Thank you xo**

 **Chapter Ten:**

Zoe stayed true to her word and got them both the weekend off work for the adoption event. They'd travelled up to London after work on Friday night. Max had listened to music and Zoe had slept after another manic day as acting clinical lead. Max had never much liked Connie but he couldn't wait for her to return. He wasn't sure how much longer Zoe could cope with the stress of the job along with the strain and anxiety which came with trying to adopt a child. When the train arrived at London Victoria station Max had gently woken Zoe and quickly hailed a taxi to their hotel. He'd ran his wife a bath and later joined her before they settled down in bed. The porter was worried that Zoe would struggle to sleep due to nerves but his qualms were needless as the consultant appeared to fall asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. He smiled, kissed her goodnight and headed to sleep himself.

They arrived at the event a little late, courtesy of a long breakfast in bed and their taxi driver missing a turning. It hadn't mattered though and they were soon sat in a circle introducing themselves to the thirty other people in the room. It felt a little like school and Max was reluctant to share their personal story with a group of strangers. Zoe had reminded him that they were all probably in the same position and had taken no persuasion to join in. Max was a little shocked but followed her lead.

When the time for tea and cake came around Max had been distracted by a corner full of superhero toys. There were a small number of children looking for families that were at the event, hoping to attract some attention. The toys had presumably been for them but Max saw no harm in seeking a little peek. He thought nothing of it until he felt a tug at his trouser leg. The porter looked down to see a little girl with dark brown eyes and bunches. Max knelt down to her.

"My name is Eloise and I am four" The little girl introduced herself confidently. "Can I play with you?" She asked, gesturing towards the figurines.

"Hello Eloise, I'm Max" The porter told the girl. She replied with a lop-sided grin. "Do you like superheroes then?"

"I like princesses more" Eloise replied. Max laughed.

"That explains the…" Max hesitated, gesturing to the pink, fluffy skirt which the little girl wore over her stripy leggings.

"Tutu" Eloise replied eloquently. "Maybe if I'm the princess but I'm stuck in a castle" She told him, picking up a tiara and holding her hands above her hand to signal a castle. Max tried to contain his giggle. "And then you-" The girl emphasised the 'you', pointing to Max "can come and save me. Okay?" Max tried to hide his bemused expression and deciding it would be easier to just play along.

"Okay" He replied, picking up the Superman figurine. The game went on for a long while with Eloise screeching help from the top of her 'castle' and Max zooming around the room with his arms out pretending to fly and promising to save her in a rusty American accent. As many games do, this one involved taking turns and soon Max found himself with a tutu on his head, pretending to be the lost princess stuck in a castle. Eloise took great pleasure in running around the room promising to save him and then pretending to be his pet dog. Somehow, they ended up playing Mummies and Daddies which Eloise insisting on being the Mummy, the baby and the pet cat. Max was allowed to alternate between being the Daddy and the big older brother. The pair played harmoniously for a good forty minutes totally unaware of Zoe (and half the group) watching them from the corner, her heart threatening to burst at the seams.

"Hey Eloise" Max called, sitting on the floor to catch his breath after a game of tag.

"Yeah?" She replied, already handing him a tiara and a wand ready for her next game.

"There's someone I'd like you to meet" Eloise didn't reply but watched Max beckon over someone she didn't recognise. "Eloise, this is my wife Zoe. Zoe this is my new friend, Eloise" Eloise smiled and Zoe knelt down to greet the little girl.

"Hello Eloise. It's a pleasure to meet you" Her voice was unsure but Max gave her an encouraging smile.

"Hi Zoe" The girl replied, suddenly feeling quite shy. "I'm four" She managed to add with a little smile. Eloise turned back to Max before telling him "She's pretty". Max laughed.

"I think so too" Max replied, causing the little girl to laugh. Eloise was happy to accept Zoe into their game. Naturally Zoe was the queen, Eloise the princess and Max flittered between being the king and the badie.

Eventually the event came to a close with Max, Zoe and Eloise all very sad to part.

"See you soon?" The little girl asked hopefully. Max and Zoe smiled sadly towards her.

"Maybe little one" Zoe replied gently. "It was lovely to meet you" The consultant knelt down to embrace Eloise who happily snuggled into her shoulder. She was then hugged by Max before waving a sad goodbye and following one of her carers out towards their car. She looked back to wave one last time, luckily she missed the tear that made its way down Zoe's cheek and Max slip a comforting arm around her waist. Little Eloise had stolen their heart and it seemed so unfair that their paths were unlikely to cross again.


	11. Chapter 11

**I cannot believe how many wonderful comments were left on that last chapter. You guys are so kind! Thank you so much for every single word, I'm so glad you like this fic. The adoption process is so long and I want to do it justice by writing it properly but I don't want this story to get too boring for you all. Please tell me if it gets too dull! As a thank you for making me smile so much with all your reviews, here is the next chapter! xo**

 **Chapter Eleven:**

It was Jane, their social worker, who cornered a dejected Max and Zoe as they were getting ready to leave. She'd noticed how attached they had become to little Eloise.

"Thank you so much for coming today you two, I hope you enjoyed it"

"Yes thank you" Max smiled gratefully, focusing on getting himself and Zoe out the door and back to the hotel. He could see that a mentally and physically exhausted Zoe was struggling to deal with what a strange and emotional day it had been.

"Everyone was admiring how well you got on with Eloise. There is no doubt that you'll be wonderful parents" She told them gently, knowing how easy it was to form attachments to these kids. Max smiled, his hand absentmindedly rubbing circles into the small of his wife's back.

"She's a great girl" Zoe told Jane softly to which she nodded.

"It's such a shame that she's already getting to know some potential families who want her" Jane told them softly. Max nodded knowingly. Eloise deserved a great home, it was just unfortunate that they weren't far enough on in the process to be able to consider adopting her. "But if she's still in need of a family when you're a bit further on in the process I'll be sure to keep you in mind. She really loved you" Jane added. "Are you sure you're both okay?" The social worker asked carefully, worried about the tears that were beginning to form in Zoe's eyes. Max quickly stepped in.

"It's just been an emotional day" Max told Jane gently. "This sort of event gives you a lot of hope but it also reminds you of what a long way you have to go. We've got a lot going on at work as well" He continued, nodding towards Zoe who was attempting to force a smile.

"If you're sure" Jane smiled softly. "Thanks again for coming, I'll be in touch" She added.

* * *

"Thanks" The porter called taking Zoe's hand as they left the venue.

Both Max and Zoe had been quiet since they returned home from the event. Max had taken himself to bed for a nap before dinner and Zoe had relaxed in the bath, answering a few work emails. Of course both their thoughts were occupied by the little girl with the big personality that they had met earlier. The event had thrown up all sorts of questions about their uncertain future as well as settling their worries about other issues. It had been a strange experience.

It also seemed so unfair that they had been allowed to create such a bond with little Eloise when so many other families wanted to adopt her. It had caused an awful feeling of false hope. It almost felt like they had found the perfect addition to their family to then be told they couldn't adopt her. How many other times would they meet the perfect child and yet still have an incomplete family? Could anyone make them feel as happy as Eloise had done that afternoon?

When Zoe emerged from the bathroom she found Max sat up in bed patting the spot next to him. Zoe pulled on her dressing gown, naturally settling down next to him. They were quiet for a long while. They were both going through exactly the same emotions but neither could find the words to express it all.

"Do you want to go down for dinner?" Max asked suddenly from where he had his head resting upon Zoe's.

"Can't be bothered" She replied quietly, shuffling around until she was firmly tucked in underneath the duvet. Zoe sat as close to Max as she could without sitting on top of him in a plight for comfort and familiarity. She desperately craved a sense of love and normality after such an unsettling day.

"Weird day huh?" Max suddenly concluded, still trying to gather his thoughts about it all. This time, Zoe just nodded. "I am so proud of you, jugging the clinical lead job and all of this" He added quietly. "I'm struggling with just this, it doesn't half mess with your head"

"You were amazing today" Zoe admitted gently. "I could have cried when I saw you playing with Eloise. You were so good with her" She leant across to place a delicate kiss on her husband's cheek. "It made me so sure we're making the right decision" The consultant added.

"I'm just so sad Eloise will never be part of our family. Will any child measure up to that little girl?" Max asked sadly and Zoe shrugged.

"I really don't know" She replied honestly.

"I know we were taking about younger children but playing with Eloise today was fun, maybe we should consider an older child?" Max asked suddenly.

"There's a selfish part of me that really wants a baby" Zoe replied quietly. "To hold them in my arms, sing them to sleep, hear their first word and hold their hand as they take their first steps" There were tears in her eyes and Max was enchanted at the thought. The image made his heart break and swell all at once. It seemed so unfair that their journey would be so much harder than most couples. "This is the hardest thing I've ever done Max" Zoe added tearfully, resting her head upon her husband's shoulder. "I just feel like it's all my fault that we have to go through all this"

"Don't ever say that Zo" Her husband told her, his voice strong as he lifted her chin to meet his gaze. "This is not your fault, please don't feel like it's your fault" She leant forward to kiss him. Her kiss was as gentle as he'd ever know it, so sincere but so full of love all at once. "This is our story Zoe. So what if it's different to everyone else's? We'll get our happy ending, I promise" The porter told her honestly, his voice was enchanting and she trusted him implicitly. It didn't take long for them to fall asleep in each other's arms that night, both comforted by the other, dreaming of happier times to come.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you again for all your lovely comments! I'm not entirely sure what this next chapter is all about but I start another nursing placement tomorrow so I thought I better update this story before 12.5 hour shifts get in the way! I hope you like it xo**

 **Chapter Twelve:**

Almost three weeks after she'd left without warning, Connie swanned back into the ED as if she'd never been away. Max had never been happier to see his fiery boss walk past him with her signature glare. It meant that he was finally getting Zoe back and her stress levels would be allowed to somewhat diminish.

It had been a week since the adoption event and Max felt like he had spent the entire week filling out paperwork for their social worker so she could finish her background checks on them. They just needed to find one more referee and undertake some basic health checks and then the agency would make a formal decision about whether Zoe and Max could continue into the second part of the adoption process. Zoe was just finishing filling in one of the many adoption forms one Connie walked into her office.

"Good morning Dr Hanna" She greeted with a smile. Zoe looked up from the paperwork to see her boss.

"Hello Connie. How was New York?" Zoe replied politely, offering Connie the chair across from her. She took it gratefully.

"Wonderful" Connie replied. "Grace is growing so fast" The brunette paused before continuing. "You've done a wonderful job with the ED Zoe, honestly I can't thank you enough". In the two years that Connie & Zoe had worked together they'd gone from hating each other to actually being friends.

"Not a problem" Zoe smiled.

"Has everything been okay?"

"You know how it is" Zoe replied with a small laugh. Connie nodded knowingly, she definitely did. Although she didn't quite know the pressure of juggling the clinical lead job and trying to adopt a child.

"Well if there's anything I can do to thank you" The clinical lead smiled, standing up and heading towards the door. Zoe hesitated.

"Actually Connie-" Connie turned until she was facing Zoe again. "The thing is" The consultant began, unsure of what she was planning to say. Other than Tess, no one knew about their news. It seemed strange to tell Connie before their family and closest friends, especially without consulting Max first. Zoe needed her help though, so she took a deep breath before announcing "Max and I are trying to adopt".

"That's brilliant news Zoe, congratulations!"

"Thanks" Zoe replied, her voice unsure. "Only we need some health checks and another reference" Zoe paused again, wondering if she was pushing her luck. "Would you possibly be able to do it for us?" She asked bashfully. A smile tugged at the corner of Connie's lips.

"Of course, of course" She told her friend with a smile. "We can do the heath checks whenever you're free, if you email me the details of the agency I'll get the paperwork faxed over to me. And the reference will be on your desk as soon as possible"

"Really, there's no rush" Zoe replied, smiling at her friend's generosity.

"Of course there is" The clinical lead replied. "Family is the most important thing" She added honestly. Zoe smiled.

"Thank you so much Connie" Zoe replied sincerely.

"Don't even mention it" Connie smiled before heading out the door with a quick 'see you later Zoe'. The consultant leant back in her office chair, unable to stop the smile on her lips.

* * *

Connie found enough time to undertake Zoe & Max's health checks during their lunch break, much to Max's dismay.

"Well, you smoke too much but other than that Mr Walker you are in very good health" Connie teased, placing her stethoscope back around her neck.

"I want to see how Zo shapes up" Max laughed, slipping off the hospital back and back on his feet. He looked across at Zoe who was slumped on a nearby chair, staring into space. "Zo?" He asked, waving his hand near her face. The consultant turned towards him.

"Sorry, what?" She asked, her voice vague.

"Are you okay Dr Hanna?" Connie asked, her voice both professional and concerned.

"Just not feeling too great" Zoe replied honestly, her voice quiet. Her head was pounding, she was having dizzy spells that were coming and going and her eyes was struggling to stay open due to fact she was exhausted.

"Well you're in the right place Zoe" Connie replied, extending her hand towards the doctor to lead her towards the bed. "Lay here for me". Zoe climbed up onto the bed and did as she was told trying to ignore Max's concerned expression. .

"I'm fine Max, go and get your lunch" His wife told him, trying to force a smile. She waved her hand in the air, signalling to him that he could go. Connie took the hint.

"Why don't you give us a few minutes? She asked gently. Max reluctantly obliged. Connie busied herself taking a manual blood pressure. When she was done she listened to Zoe's chest.

"Breath in for me?" Zoe complied. "And out? Okay" Connie continued to undertake lots of basic checks. Zoe allowed her to work in peace, enjoying having five minutes to lay down in the middle of a busy day. "Your blood pressure is higher than I would like" The clinical lead concluded after a while. "You said you weren't feeling well, what are the symptoms?"

"Dizziness, nausea, fatigue" Zoe mumbled, lifting a hand to her head.

"It sounds like it's just stress and exhaustion but I want you to keep an eye on it" Her boss replied gently. "Hopefully the symptoms should start to lessen now you're not trying to juggle the clinical lead job as well. I understand that adoption is also a very stressful process Zoe so if there's anything I can do to make your life easier I want you to let me know, okay?"

"Thank you Connie" Zoe replied sincerely. She shuffled up the bed until she was in a sitting position allowing her to extend a hand to her boss who squeezed it gently.

"And talk to Max okay? Whatever you're feeling, he is feeling it too" The clinical lead whispered softly. Zoe nodded but she didn't get the chance to reply as Max walked back into the cubical, armed with lunch for them both.

"Okay Dr Hanna, you're free to go" Connie smiled as the consultant shuffled off the bed. "I'll send these forms back over to the agency this afternoon but in my opinion there is nothing to worry about"

"Thank you so much Mrs Beauchamp" Max smiled gratefully. He didn't think he'd ever get used to Connie being so polite and helpful. It was slightly unnerving.

"Not at all" Connie replied with a genuine smile. "Go and have your lunch" She added. Max smiled gratefully towards her again before heading out the cubical, Zoe hot on his heels. "Dr Hanna?" Connie called, just as the consultant was about to leave. Zoe turned on her heel to face her boss. "Look after yourself" She added sincerely.

"I will" Zoe smiled before following her husband towards her office.

* * *

In the end it had been a long afternoon. Zoe and Max took and extended lunch, enjoying the fresh air and their first lunch break together in a good few weeks. However, when they returned the ED was overrun with both major and minor injuries. Both Zoe and Max worked relentlessly until long after their shifts had ended. It was Zoe who fell exhausted into her office chair around 10pm. She sighed, every part of her body ached. Raking a hand through her hair, something happened to catch her eye. Sitting on her desk was a white envelope addressed ' _Zoe & Max'_. Intrigued, Zoe opened the enveloped and pulled out a handwritten letter.

 _To whom it may concern,_

 _I am writing to express my unequivocal support of Max and Zoe Walker as potential adoptive parents._

 _I have worked alongside Zoe for many years during my career and I wholeheartedly respect her as a doctor and as a person. I have witnessed first-hand Dr Hanna's compassion and kindness for every person that walks into our emergency department. Her ability to empathise and understand all those she meets astounds me every day. I have never known anyone not to feel safe in Dr Hanna's care and have no concerns about her ability to love and care for a child of any age. In my opinion, although I'm sure many would agree, I believe she would make a wonderful parent._

 _I have only known Max for two years but I know he makes Dr Hanna very happy. Their relationship is very strong and it is obvious to see how much they love and care for one another. Max is one of the most popular members of my staff because of his cheery, optimistic and caring personality. He can get along with everybody he meets and has a natural affinity with the children that are brought into the department. He and Zoe make a wonderful couple and I know that any child would be extremely lucky to have them as parents. I trust Max & Zoe unreservedly and they often look after my own young daughter. She loves to spend time with them both and I never worry when she is with them for I know she is both well cared for and very loved. _

_I strongly recommend Max & Zoe as parents. They have a full support network in all my staff at the emergency department and I know of no-one who would doubt their ability to provide love, care and support for a child of any age. I am certain that they will make wonderful parents and wish them all the best in their journey._

 _Yours sincerely,_

 _Constance Beauchamp_


	13. Chapter 13

**I have written, deleted, rewritten, deleted and restarted the next few chapters of this story so many times in the past few days. I'm still not completely happy with it but hopefully it will turn out okay. Thank you for your reviews, I hope you enjoy this next chapter! Please remember to leave a review and tell me what you think. xo**

 **Chapter Thirteen:**

The winter was quickly drawing in. The warm summer evenings were long gone and September brought an unusually cold spell. Zoe & Max had spent the summer frantically filling in adoption forms ready to submit their case to the agency. They were now subsequently patiently waiting for an answer about whether or not they could continue into the second stage of the adoption process. It had been a nerve wracking and frankly exhausting few weeks with tensions between the couple running unusually high. The more impatient they became, the more frequently they argued. The waiting was almost unbearable.

It was a restless Zoe that had woken Max with her constant fidgeting and he'd struggled to get back to sleep. Max rolled over in bed as Zoe shifted again, kicking him in the shins as she did so.

"Zoe?" The porter asked into the darkness, barely able to make out his wife in the shadows. He was answered by a heavy sigh. "Zo" He whispered. He reached over to place a comforting hand on the top of her arm. Zoe just shrugged it off, moving that little bit further away from Max. The porter began to feel anger bubbling in his stomach. That was until he heard her gentle sniffling which caused his heart to sink to the bottom of his stomach. "Oh Zoe" He whispered with a sad sigh. Reaching across he managed to pull her into a tight hug, despite her half-hearted attempts to pull away. As she settled into his chest, Max was surprised to hear heavy sobs begin to fall from her exhausted body.

"Zoe, what's wrong?" He managed to ask, his throat suddenly feeling constricted as he struggled against his emotions. The consultant didn't reply and Max outstretched his arm to rub comforting circles into her back. "It's okay sweetheart" He added gently, leaning to place butterfly kisses on the top of her head. Her breathing was laboured as she struggled against the tears. "Come on-" he told her softly "you're okay. Everything is going to be okay".

"I can't stand the waiting. I just want a yes or a no. The waiting is doing my head in" Came the snivelled reply, barely audible through the force of her sobs. Zoe attempted to bury her head further into Max's chest but he pulled back. Max softly touched her cheek, his touch as gentle as she'd ever known it.

"Oh Zoe" Her husband repeated softly, once again tracing soothing circles into her back. She shook her head, fresh tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. Max held her a little bit closer, his breath tickling her cheek.

"The longer it takes the more convinced I am they are going to say no" She managed to mumble "I can't go through that" The consultant added, her sobs lessened but the fear in her voice rose.

"Please don't think like that" Max whispered helplessly, now unable to fight the tears in his own eyes. Zoe's thoughts had a way of running away with themselves, especially at night. Max would often find her laid awake worrying about worse case scenarios. He was usually able to silence her thoughts with gentle comfort and a familiar embrace. This time however, Max was struggling to know what to say. He couldn't promise her everything was going to work out because there was absolutely no guarantee of that. This situation was currently out of their hands and that's what made it so scary. Max gently kissed her forehead he held her exhausted body as she calmed down. "Whatever happens Zo, we deal with it together" He told her softly.

Zoe managed a gentle nod, once again struggling to fight against the tears.

"Until then, we just need to focus on the positives and wait patiently for that phone call" He continued. Zoe sighed heavily, her frustration evident. "I know it's easier said than done Zo but we can't tear ourselves up whilst we wait indefinitely. We just need to try and carry on as normal and put it to the back of our minds as much as possible. We can't worry about something that hasn't happened yet. If it's a yes, then that's fantastic. If it's a no, we just find another adoption agency and start again"

"But what if the next agency say no? And the one after that?" A shaky voice asked.

"And what if this one says yes?" Max asked simply causing Zoe to fall silent. "Think about the positives Zo. What if they say yes? We'll be one step closer" He added softly, kissing her hair as she rested her head on his chest. The pair fell silent for a long while. Max ran his fingers through Zoe's hair continuously, hoping to lull her into a gentle slumber. Her eyes were becoming heavy as morning became closer.

"Do you think they'll say yes?" A whisper suddenly asked, her sentence slow as she fought the sleep which was threatening to wash over her. Max struggled to answer, he hoped with every ounce of his being that the answer would be yes. The porter sighed softly, continuing to run his fingers through her hair.

"Go to sleep darling" He whispered softly. It took a matter of seconds for Zoe's breathing to even out and her body to become limp due to sleep. Max smiled, placing a goodnight kiss on the top of her hair. It didn't matter that his mind was in overdrive. He didn't care that every part of his body ached from the uncomfortable position he was laid in. He wasn't even bothered by the fact that he was still awake when their alarm went off. All that mattered to him was that Zoe had slept peacefully in his arms and she now had the energy to face whatever the day had to throw at them.


	14. Chapter 14

**Your reviews always make me smile so much, thank you! I'm trying to move this on a little bit so here is another chapter, enjoy! x**

 **Chapter Fourteen:**

After their restless night, Max had called in sick for them both. Connie was immediately suspicious and he ended up telling her the truth. The clinical lead knew they were waiting on a decision from the adoption agency and understood that it was a nerve-racking time. She also knew that they were both physically and mentally exhausted and told Max that they could take as much time as they needed. He would be eternally grateful for her concern and support.

"Don't you ever tidy up after yourself?!" Zoe snapped as he put the phone down. She was trying to get some breakfast but there were no clean bowls. The work surfaces were cluttered with pots and pans. After cooking dinner last night Max had promised to wash up. Except he hadn't and it wasn't helping Zoe's already tetchy mood.

"I'm going to go back up to bed" Max told her as he entered the kitchen, yawning for effect. In the end, Zoe had slept well last night but it was at the expense of Max. He'd struggled to drop off, worry playing on his mind. It also didn't help that Zoe had fallen asleep on top of her husband, her weight distributed awkwardly meaning Max had suffered pins and needles almost all night long.

"What about the mess?" Zoe asked, gesturing to the dirty dishes. She'd woken up in a mood. The prospect of another day just waiting for a phone call was almost becoming too much.

"I'll do it when I wake up" Her husband replied simply, before turning on his heel and heading back through to their bedroom. He could hear Zoe grumbling behind him and the clattering of pots and pans and she begrudging tidied away his mess.

* * *

It had taken Max a matter of minutes to fall asleep, still in his jogging bottoms and t-shirt. He'd been asleep less than twenty minutes however when his phone rang, the harsh shrill of his ringtone startling him. Zoe was usually the only person to ever call him so it hardly ever rang. With a furrowed brow and bleary eyes he fished around in his pocket in an attempt to find his phone, sleep still consuming his tired body. Locating his phone, Max begrudging accepted the call from the unknown number and pulled it to his ear, attempting to sit up in bed.

"Hello?" He asked. Max was greeted by the now familiar voice of their social worker, Jane.

"Hello Max, it is a convenient time to talk?" She asked politely. His heart immediately began to hammer again his chest wondering whether she had rang with the agency's decision.

"Yeah, sure" Max managed to splutter, his nerves making it almost impossible to string together a sentence. "Should I get Zoe?"

"I was actually wondering whether I could pop round and see you both later?" Jane asked, her voice gave nothing away.

"Uhh yeah" Max replied "We'll both be here all day" He added.

"Brilliant" The social worker replied. "Nothing to worry about, I just want to talk to you both. It's much easier to explain in person" She added gently. Max nodded.

"Have the agency come to a decision yet?" Max asked quietly. His stomach flipped. Jane hesitated.

"Yes" She finally replied. "I'll be around to discuss it later" Jane added, shutting off the conversation. Max instantly felt sick, that didn't sound like good news. "Like I said Max, there is nothing to worry about. I've got some errands to run but I should be with you mid-afternoon, is that okay?"

"Yeah, sure. See you later" Max replied, his voice sounded far away and Jane frowned. She hadn't wanted to worry him.

"See you later" Jane ended the call, leaving Max sat up in bed feeling flummoxed. Sliding out of bed, he slipped his phone into his back pocket before padding towards the kitchen. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes he called Zoe's name. When he entered the kitchen she turned to look at him and could instantly tell that something was wrong. Zoe hung back, frantically searching his face for any clues.

"Jane just called" He told her softly, slipping onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar. Max tapped the seat next to him to encourage her to sit down. She hesitated before tentatively walking over and sitting next to him, curling into his side.

"What did they say?" She asked, her voice no more than a whisper.

"She didn't give me an answer" He told her, his voice quiet. "She wants to come round later and talk to us" Max told her softly, lifting his hand to run it through her hair.

"Why?" Zoe asked suddenly. "Why can't she just tell us over the phone? Her voice was rising and Max could almost sense her panic. He took his hand from her hair and quickly took both of her hands in his, squeezing them reassuringly.

"Hey Zo, breathe" He told her with a smile, leaning down to place a kiss on her hairline. "She said there was nothing to worry about and that it would be better in person". After recent events, Max wasn't surprised to see Zoe's eyes fill with tears. "What's wrong darling?" He asked, his voice as soft as she'd ever known it.

"They're going to say no" Zoe replied, her voice barely audible. Max pulled her into a tight hug. "Otherwise she would have just told us over the phone" She added sadly.

"You don't know that Zo. Maybe she just wants to tell us the good news in person" He reasoned, rubbing soothing circles into the top of her arm. The pair lulled into an uneasy silence.

"When is she coming?" The consultant asked, the tears once again filling her eyes.

"Mid-afternoon. Apparently she's got some things to do first"

"What are we meant to do until then?" Zoe asked, her voice rising an octave or two. Her arms were in the air and Max sighed softly, shrugging his shoulders.

"I guess we just wait" He replied lamely. That wasn't what Zoe wanted to hear. She sighed heavily, her frustration evident. She instantly felt restless. Slipping off the stool and to her feet she began tidying away before fetching the hoover from the cupboard.

"What are you doing?" Max asked.

"I can't just sit here and do nothing" His wife snapped. Max sighed softly, unsure of what to do. He definitely wouldn't get back to sleep now. His thoughts were quickly drowned out by the sound of the hoover and Zoe making an awful racquet as she attempted to clean. The porter rolled his eyes, it was certainly going to be a long morning.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you for your lovely comments! Sorry this chapter has taken so long, my placement has taken over as usual. Luckily I have the next twenty or so chapters all mapped out so hopefully updates will become more regular. And as its National Adoption Week next month I hope that there will be updates every day for that week, although I'm not sure yet. Anyway; here is the next chapter! xo**

 **Chapter Fifteen:**

As expected, the morning dragged to an incomprehensible standard. After cleaning the entire house Zoe set about reorganising the kitchen cupboards. By lunchtime she had worn herself out. Unable to sleep, she rested fitfully on the sofa for a while until she announced that she couldn't relax.

"Do you want some lunch?" Max offered lamely, unsure of what to do with himself. Zoe shook her head.

"Not hungry" She replied, shrugging her shoulders.

"Me either" Max replied blankly, turning his attention back to the blank wall he had been staring at for the most part of the morning.

"I'm going for a walk" Zoe suddenly announced, quickly standing to her feet. Max turned to look at her.

"What if she comes and you're not here?" Max asked quietly, feeling somewhat out of his depth. Zoe shrugged her shoulders.

"Ring me" She answered, her voice equally as quiet. The consultant didn't take long to shuffle her feet into a pair of her signature heels and grab a coat before disappearing out of the door, alone.

* * *

In the end, Zoe had arrived home just minutes before Jane had knocked on their front door.

"Get the front door" Max called out to Zoe, who had just settled on the sofa.

"Why can't you do it?" Zoe hissed, reluctant to stand to her feet as Jane knocked again.

"Fine" Max snapped. "You sort the tea" He added, before adding to the front door. Taking a deep breath he opened it and greeted their social worker, Jane.

"Hello" He smiled, stepping back to allow her to come in. Jane did so, kicking off her shoes and making small talk about the weather.

"Hello Zoe" Jane greeted kindly as she entered the living room, taking the seat that Max offered her. Zoe smiled bashfully, hanging back in the kitchen. "I can't stop" Jane told them as the porter offered a cup of tea. Reluctantly, Zoe walked into the living room and settled next to Max in their chair opposite Jane. Max took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. "Don't look so nervous" She added with a laugh.

"Sorry" Max replied, forcing a small laugh.

"I have good news" Jane continued, sensing the couple were anxious to hear her news. "The board came to a decision and think you would be great parents". Max and Zoe instantly breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief.

"They said yes?!" Max asked, his eyes wide with excitement. Jane nodded, grinning. Max squeezed Zoe's hand, looking towards her with a grin. She smiled back, a look of disbelief playing on her lips.

"But" Jane began, causing Max and Zoe's smiles to fall. "It's nothing to worry about" She added, noticing the way Zoe's breathing began to hitch. "There's a little boy who recently arrived at Holby Care Home. I think he'd be perfect addition to your family" Jane waited for a reaction but Zoe and Max remained silent. "It's bending the rules for me to do this but I can let you meet him and if you want to go ahead and adopt him we can fast track the rest of the process so you can start to get to know this little boy". Zoe and Max exchanged a glance, half shock and half excitement.

"How old is he?" Max managed to whisper, feeling Zoe's hand shaking in his.

"He's eight months and his name is Noah". A silence settled over the three again as Zoe and Max struggled to take in the news. "If you want to go ahead I need you to undertake all your training and assessments as soon as possible. And you'll still need to go to panel" Jane told them softly. "I just wanted to tell you about him now. Obviously younger children get a lot of attention from perspective adopters and if I can get you fast-tracked it increases the chances of you being able to formally adopt him before someone else does". Max nodded although Zoe had stopped listening, it was all too much to take in.

"What if he's not the child for us?" Max asked, although the prospect of meeting his potential son was enough to make his heart double in pace with excitement.

"Then you take the process at a normal pace and start to meet potential children after you've been approved. But I really think you could give this little boy the life he deserves"

"How long do we have to think about it?" Zoe managed to whisper, her voice barely audible.

"Just say the word and you can meet him. Obviously the later you leave it the more chance there is of potential parents coming to meet him" Max nodded. "Noah's age makes him the perfect candidate for adoption I'm afraid"

"What about his parents?" The porter asked. Jane shook her head.

"I'm afraid I can't share any of that information with you" Jane told them softly. She was already breaking the rules by letting them meet Noah before they had completed their training and been approved through the second phase. "He does have grandparents though".

"You alright Zo?" Max asked softly, turning his attention to Zoe who appeared to be staring intently at a stain on her leggings. When she didn't respond Max looked at Jane with apologetic eyes. She smiled gently, her eyes understanding.

"I understand it's a lot to take in. I have to get back to the office but please call me if you have any questions or if you want to meet Noah. I'll leave my work phone on for you both"

"Thank you so much Jane" Max replied, standing as she got up from the sofa and gathered her things.

"See you soon Zoe" Jane smiled, turning back to wave at the consultant. Zoe barely managed to meet her gaze and the social worker sighed softly as she followed Max into the hall. "I forgot to say, we have a counselling team attached to the agency. If you ever feel like you need more support or just someone to talk to I can refer you both on the team" Max looked thoughtful for a moment.

"I'll talk to Zoe and get back to you" He replied softly and Jane nodded. "Thanks again for everything"

"See you soon" Jane added finally before opening the front door and seeing herself out. Max waved her off before closing the door and leaning back against it, unable to stop the smile that was pinching at the corner of his lips.


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you for your sweet reviews, you guys are so kind and its so appreciated! Here is the next chapter, I admit that it is really boring but they will meet Noah very soon! I hope you like it xo**

 **Chapter Sixteen:**

Max took a deep breath before he headed back through to the living room. When he did, he found Zoe still staring at the same stain on her leggings, her face pale.

"Can I sit down?" Max asked softly, gesturing to the seat next to her. Zoe struggled to look up, managing a gentle shrug. Max sitss and attempts to take her hand in his. "Sorry" He whispers as she tenses, retracting his hand and placing it idly on his lap. The pair sit in a painful silence for a long while.

"Noah" Zoe suddenly whispered. "Noah" She repeated, her voice barely audible. Max grinned, her voice was enchanting. "Is this really happening?" The consultant asked, still in disbelieve. She looks up, her eyes brimming with tears.

"Don't cry Zo" Max whispered, draping a loose arm around her shoulders and pulling her into him. "A son. A little boy" He added softly, struggling to ignore the grin that was pinching at the corner of his lips. Zoe caught his gaze, unable to stop smiling. "You want to meet him then?" Max asked with a laugh. Zoe nodded enthusiastically.

"I will call Jane later on and let her know" Max replied gently.

"I want to know what he looks like" Zoe mused and Max smiled.

"Me too" Her husband replied honestly. "But Jane seemed to think he'd be perfect for us". Max smiled but Zoe fell silent.

"What if he isn't all we're hoping for?" Zoe whispered, avoiding her husband's gaze. Max lifted her chin.

"Then we move on" He replied simply. "I've got a good feeling about this though. We're so lucky that a little boy at just the right age has come up now. Some people wait for years"

"I know" Zoe smiled. "There must be people before us on the waiting list though?"

"I guess so" Max replied. "Jane said he's perfect for us though. She must really want us to adopt him, not anyone else" He was smiling again, he just couldn't seem to stop.

"Noah" Zoe repeated again. "Our little Noah".

"I'll call Jane this evening and arrange a meeting. Why don't you get your iPad and pick a little present for when we meet him?" Max asked thoughtfully. Zoe's eyes lit up.

"Good idea" She replied, hopping off the sofa and scouting the living room for her iPad. She quickly located it and sat back onto the sofa with her legs crossed. She loaded Google and then hesitated. "Wait" Max looked towards her. "What do eight month olds like?"

"I dunno" Max shrugged honestly. "Can they walk?" Zoe laughed.

"I don't think so? Crawl maybe" She replied thoughtfully.

"Google it" Max replied simply. "I'll call Jane" He added, pulling his phone from his pocket and heading through to the kitchen.

* * *

Zoe spent the rest of the afternoon and long into the evening scouting baby websites looking for the perfect present for Noah. She'd settled on some noisy, light up, singing toys and a little pair of dungarees from the Disney Store. Max couldn't help but get a kick out of the joy she got from buying cute little baby items.

"I can't wait to meet him" Zoe mused as she placed the final item in her online basket and began to check out of the website. Max had rung Jane almost immediately the expressed their interest and excitement about meeting Noah. Jane had been overjoyed and explained that Noah had now been moved into temporary foster care. She had immediately gotten in touch with the foster carers who were happy to have Jane, Max and Zoe over the day after next to meet the little boy.

"Me either" Max smiled. "Tomorrow is going to drag so much" He replied sadly.

"At least you're at work, I might go in anyway just to pass the time"

"Yes, seeing your beautiful face around the ED will definitely make my day go faster" Max smiled, leaning forward to place a kiss on her cheek. Zoe almost felt her heart flip. He still had that effect on her, even after two years. "Are you finished spoiling that little man now?" He teased, resting a head upon her shoulder. Zoe nods.

"It's too difficult to resist those little clothes and toys" The consultant laughed.

"Can you imagine what it's going to be like if we actually adopt him?" Her husband teased. "He will be the most spoilt boy on the planet"

"Of course he will be" Zoe replied simply. "He will be our little boy and he deserves it all" Max nodded, his heart was almost bursting at the seams. His wife's never-ending ability to love made him so proud. "I hope he's all we're dreaming of" The consultant added, expressing her concern for the second time that evening.

"He will be" Max replied positively. "Come on, I think we could do with an early night" He adds as Zoe yawns, snuggling further into her husband's side. Zoe agrees, happy when Max helps to pull her up from the sofa. They are in bed within minutes, both too tired to worry about putting their clothes away properly or getting their things ready for the morning. They fall into bed and both fall asleep fairly instantly, without worry for the first time in such a long while.


	17. Chapter 17

**The other chapter was boring, have another! Zoe & Max finally meet Noah, I hope you like it! xo**

 **Chapter Seventeen:**

Thursday eventually came around with both Zoe and Max waking early due to a mixture of excitement and nerves. They weren't meeting Noah until the afternoon and had nothing planned for the morning.

"Do you want to go out for lunch?" Max asked, rolling over in bed to face Zoe who was working through some work emails from Connie regarding staffing. Zoe smiled, rolling over to kiss her husband delicately.

"That would be lovely" She replied softly, resting her head upon his chest. "I need to pick up some bits in town too"

"What like?"

"Something to wrap Noah's presents in"

"Maybe we should get the foster parents a little gift too, to say thank you for letting us go round and such short notice" Max replied thoughtfully. Zoe nodded before leaning up to kiss his lips once more.

"You're one in a million Max Walker, do you know that?" She whispered gently. Max smiled, running a hand absentmindedly through her cropped hair.

"I know, I know. You're a lucky girl" Max teased causing Zoe to laugh.

"I mean it" His wife continued, relaxing as he played with her hair. "If we do adopt Noah, he's going to be the luckiest boy to have you as a father" Zoe told him honestly, her voice delicate and sincere. A tiny smile tugged at the corner of Max's lips.

"Not as lucky as he will be to have you as a mum" Max whispered, placing butterfly kisses on the top of her head. "Remember that whatever happens today, we're in this together okay?" He continued. Although she was playing it cool, he knew that she was nervous. He was too, it was only natural.

"Always" Zoe replied gently, kissing him once more.

* * *

Jane met them a little after lunch and drove them to the house where Noah was currently staying with his foster carers. She understood that they would probably be too nervous to drive. The drive was quiet with Zoe and Max speaking soft words of encouragement to each other, too gentle for Jane to hear. Her heart still swelled at their loving relationship.

When they arrived Zoe had froze refusing to go inside. She had announced that meeting Noah was futile because she was not cut out to be a mum and the little boy would hate her anyway. Max had managed to talk her down whilst Jane waited patiently inside the car. After her wobble Zoe seemed a lot calmer, although her hands still shook as she clutched onto Max. She'd been desperate for a cigarette but they'd talked about quitting and she sensed that Jane wouldn't approve.

Jane had rung the doorbell to reveal an older couple named Tom and Anna. They welcomed Max and Zoe into their home and offered them a cup of tea but both politely refused, feeling too nervous to even contemplate it. They engaged in small talk for a long while until a cry though a well-worn baby monitor alerted them to another presence in the house. Max felt Zoe tense and used the hand he had on her shoulder to draw soothing circles into her arm.

"That'll be the little man waking up from his nap. I'll just go and get him" Tom explained gently before disappearing out of the living room where they were sat. Zoe allowed herself to glance around the room at the cuddly toys, baby bouncers, walkers and clothes. She almost felt her stomach flip. This was actually happening. She barely had another moment to think about it before Tom reappeared in the doorway, a tiny but perfect baby sat on his hip.

"Zoe and Max, please meet Noah" Tom smiled gently, allowing the couple to set their eyes upon the little boy. He had fine, brunette hair and the most enchanting pair of crystal blue eyes that Zoe had ever laid eyes upon. Her breath caught in her chest as Tom held out the little boy to her. She shook her head, gesturing to Max who took the baby and sat him on his knee.

"Hey Noah, I'm Max" The porter whispered softly, smiling as the little boy began to laugh. The baby's attention turned towards Zoe, she smiled tentatively. "That's Zoe" Max told Noah. "She's brought you some presents" He added. Zoe retrieved the gift bag from her feet and pulled out a pair of brightly coloured plastic keys which made noises, sang songs and lit up when shaken. Noah was immediately enchanted and took them from Zoe's grasp, babbling happily. As the keys began to make a variety of noises, Noah began to kick his legs, his smile growing.

"We'll leave you alone for a while" Anna told them softly, standing from her chair and encouraging Tom to follow her back into the kitchen. He did so and Jane naturally followed in suit.

"He's perfect" Max whispered, her voice barely audible as he brushed a finger along the child's porcelain cheek. Noah looked up, smiled and handed Max his new toy. "Thank you" The porter smiled before making them play a new song and handing them back to Noah. They played for a while before the little boy wriggled out of his grasp and onto the floor. He navigated his way across the living room in a half crawl, half bum shuffle to locate his favourite cuddly blanket. Max squeezed Zoe's hand as they watch him. "You okay?" He asked softly and Zoe managed a nod.

"He's beautiful" Zoe whispered, her breath hitching in her throat. Before Max can respond the little boy was back at his feet, demanding to be picked up. Max obliges but the baby immediately begins to fuss, holding his arms out towards Zoe.

"He wants you" Max whispers, letting the child clamber onto his wife's lap. Zoe was hesitant at first but let the child settle on her lap with a gentle but nervous smile playing on her lips.

"Hello you" She whispered softly, running her hand through the baby's fine brunette hair. The baby babbled contently, handing her his blanket. Zoe lifted it to her nose, inhaling his sweet, baby scent. "Aren't you just the sweetest little thing?" She asked softly, letting Noah hold her hand. Comforted in her presence, Noah snuggled into her chest lifting his blanket under his arm and quickly settled down. "Are you after snuggles Mr?" Zoe asked, cuddling into the baby who babbled approvingly. With her head and chest against his, she could feel Noah breathe and laugh. Her heart was swelling in her chest with love for a little boy she had met only minutes previously. She looked to Max with tears in her eyes as the baby settled comfortably on her lap. "He's perfect"

Max could only manage a nod before the tears in his eyes threatened to spill. His heart was so full of love and joy that he could barely make sense of it all.

"I love you so much" Max whispered, a tear escaping his cheek. Tears filled Zoe's eyes. "And you little man, I think I love you too" He added softly, reaching out to touch Noah's hand. The boy turned to see Max and the tears that filled his eyes. Noah immediately clambered off Zoe's lap and back into Max's, lifting a hand to his cheek to touch the tears. Max felt a smile tug at the corner of his lips. "You are one very special little man" Max told him softly, leaning forward to place a kiss on his delicate brunette hair.

It wasn't long before Jane, Tom and Anna came back into the living room and they couldn't help but smile at the scene before them. Jane was right, they really did make the perfect little family. Max and Zoe said a difficult goodbye to baby Noah who was sad to see them leave. He began to grizzle which made their departure even harder. Zoe was in tears and Max slipped a comforting arm around her waist as they left. They each had one last cuddle with the little boy and promised to see him soon. They made it back to the car before Zoe crumbled completely, crying into Max's side as Jane drove them home. It had been an emotional afternoon but they felt so blessed, for they had just met the most wonderful little boy would soon hopefully become their son.


	18. Chapter 18

**You guys are absolutely wonderful and your reviews are always so lovely, they never fail to make me smile! I am currently working nights so between work and sleep there isn't much time for writing. So, I apologise that this next chapter isn't very good or very interesting. However, there are a few things coming up in the future to keep it interesting. We are a long way from finished just yet! Enjoy xo**

 **Chapter Eighteen:**

After saying a difficult goodbye to Noah, Jane dropped Max and Zoe home. She invited herself in and set about making them all a cup of tea, knowing that the couple were struggling after their emotionally draining afternoon. Max encouraged Zoe to head through to the bedroom and get changed into something more comfortable before settling her on the sofa and sitting beside her. Jane handed them both a streaming mug of tea before sitting opposite them.

"I know today has been draining but I am so proud of you both" Jane told them gently, watching as Zoe automatically sat closer to her husband. "I think I already know the answer to my next question but I need an honest answer from you both so that I can start to sort everything" The social worker began, leaning back in the armchair. "Would you like to go ahead with the adoption of Noah?"

Max and Zoe exchanged a glance, a silence washing over them. Max let a tiny smile pinch at the corner of his lips and nodded encouragingly. Zoe turned back to Jane, her voice shaky.

"Yes" She whispered, her voice barely audible. Max moved his hand and rested it on her thigh, rubbing soothing circles into the top of her leg. Jane smiled.

"Okay, I'll sort everything tomorrow and get back to you. I'll forward you the dates of the training sessions you'll need to attend. Obviously the faster you attend them, the faster we can get a decision from the panel and get Noah adopted"

"Will Noah still be advertised through the agency?" Max asked quietly, wondering if there was a chance this could all come crashing down. Jane shook her head.

"It'll be breaking a few rules but no he won't be" Jane replied honestly.

"What if we change our minds?" A tiny voice asked caused Jane and Max to look at Zoe. Jane smiled gently.

"I'll arrange for you to spend some more time with Noah but if you change your mind that is okay" She told her softly. Zoe nodded.

"How often will we be able to see Noah until the adoption goes through?" Max asked.

"Maybe weekly" Jane told them. "You'll have to be supervised until we get a formal decision from the adoption panel though" She continued, causing Max and Zoe to nod."Okay, I'll leave you both to it"

"Thanks Jane" Max smiled gratefully. He just wanted to focus entirely on Zoe. "Thank you for everything" He added, as she stood to her feet.

"I'm so proud of you both today" She told them honestly before saying her final goodbyes and letting herself out. Max waved from the hallway before settling back down next to Zoe.

"What shall I make for tea?" He asked quietly, unsure of what to say. Zoe shrugged her shoulders.

"Not hungry" She mused.

"I love you Zo" Max randomly whispered, meeting his wife's gaze for the first time since he sat down.

"I know" Zoe replied softly. "I love you too" She replied, her voice gently.

"Seeing you today with Noah made me so happy" He continued, reaching across the squeeze her hand. "It was a feeling I can't describe, happiness on a whole other level.

I think I fell in love with you all over again this afternoon Zo"

"Max" Zoe whispered, gently shaking her head as the tears began to gather in the corner of her eyes.

"No" He replied, his voice gentle. "I need you to know that I am so proud of you" he continued. "You were so natural with Noah today and I know that you were so scared. There is nothing more in this world than I want to adopt that little boy and create a little family with you"

"Max" Zoe repeated, a tear escaping her eye and finding its way down her cheek. Max gently wiped it away with his thumb.

"If I had to give up everything tomorrow so that we could adopt Noah I would do it in a heartbeat"

"Me too" The consultant managed to whisper, her voice shaky. "I know I get scared sometimes but I really want this Max, I really do"

"I know" Max whispered softly.

"I don't know what we're going to do if this falls through" Zoe suddenly whispered, her voice as soft as he's ever known it. "I now can't picture our future without him" Her thoughts focused on the little baby that had stolen her heart only hours previously.

"Nothing is going to go wrong" Max told her softly, his voice positive as he leant forward to kiss her cheek.

"Promise?"

"Promise" He replied, resting his forehead upon hers. He made a silent prayer to a God he didn't believe in that his promise would not be broken.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you for your lovely reviews! This next chapter wasn't actually written by me but by my lovely best friend who wrote this to help me out; so all credit goes to her! I hope you like it! Please remember to read and review x**

 **Chapter Nineteen:**

Ever since the couple had agreed to proceeding with the adoption of Noah their lives had an air of excitement to them. While they both were still feeling cautious, Zoe more so than Max, that it could fall through they were starting to believe that Noah could be theirs and the training sessions helped to cement that feeling further.

"I'm looking forward to this training session today" Max said cutting the silence that had been engulfing them while they were getting ready.

"Really?" Zoe replied sounding surprised.

"Yes, this is the beginning of our future with Noah!". Zoe looked away, Max could tell she still wasn't convinced that this would work out despite his promise to her. Max tried again to engage Zoe, his excitement not dampened by her lack of enthusiasm.

"I wonder what this session will be about?"

"Did you not read the booklets?" Zoe responded quickly.

"Er.. what booklets?" Max had been buoyed up on excitement since visiting Noah that he hadn't realised Jane had dropped round a booklet explaining what these sessions would cover. "I'll read them in the car" Max quickly added so not to exasperate Zoe. Zoe had read through each booklet painstakingly slowly to make sure there was nothing in these sessions that would catch them out and stop them from adopting Noah. Luckily Zoe had found nothing and actually the sessions looked to be quite boring but even still, she was finding it hard to fully put her heart into it.

Zoe had been right; the session was indeed very dull but a formality none the less and was glad it was over. She had caught herself dreaming about Noah for the majority of it and a warm feeling had rushed over her. Max noted this glow, "You seem perkier since that has ended?"

"Yeah.. being in that environment made it seem real, we were in there because we're trying to adopt Noah.." Zoe's voice trailed off but Max knew it was because she was happy thinking about Noah and it made him even more happy that Zoe was starting to let herself believe that this would all happen, that they would adopt Noah.

The next two training sessions went without a hitch. They were more interesting and engaging than the introductory one and they were starting to learn a lot about adoption and becoming parents. Much to Max's surprise Zoe engaged in all the activities and had started to enjoy the process rather than fearing it.

"I'm so happy we will be able to give little Noah a brilliant new life" Zoe gushed after the third and final session.

"Me too, I cannot wait to be a family" Max replied excitedly, rather than responding Zoe gazed into Max's eyes and let herself be drawn into the warm image of their new family, her life seemed perfect.

Max interrupted Zoe's daydream to ask what was for dinner, a familiar response followed, "Shall we get a takeaway?" Max laughed.

"You know we're actually going to need to learn how to cook for when we do adopt Noah"

"Do you think they offer training sessions in cooking too?" Zoe joked.

"One more takeaway to celebrate us finishing the training then we'll learn how to cook properly tomorrow, okay?". Zoe thought for a second.

"When you say properly does that mean no more beans on toast for dinner?"

"That's exactly what I mean, Zoe", they both fell about laughing while deciding on what to order, but one thing was certain, they were both very excited to have little Noah in their lives soon.


	20. Chapter 20

**I'm so sorry that this has taken so long to update! Thank you as always for your sweet reviews. I hope you like this next chapter, hopefully future updates will be more regular! x**

 **Chapter Twenty:**

The months passed slowly with the adoption of Noah becoming more real with every passing day. With their training and assessments complete the only thing left to do was to submit their case to panel. In the event that the panel said yes, they could officially start to adopt. If the panel said no, it left them to find another agency and start the process again; without Noah. Even the thought left the couple feeling sick. Luckily, since the training events their moods had been lifted and they felt truly excited to hopefully adopt their little boy.

"Child-proofing" Max mused one morning whilst staring at his laptop. Zoe looked up from her toast, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"Child what?" She asked, through a mouthful of jam. Max laughed.

"It means making your house safe for a baby or child. We need to do it for Noah" He told her with a smile. Zoe smiled.

"Alright dad" She teased "where do we start?" She tried to hide her bemused expression and smiled at his enthusiasm.

"Well first, we need to clean this flat. It's a mess" Her husband replied, looking around at the clutter, clothes and wine glasses. Noah was fast approaching his first birthday and was becoming a lot more confident in his ability to get around independently. If the adoption worked out, Zoe and Max would soon have a very mobile one year old in a very unsuitable flat.

"I'd love to help" Zoe replied sarcastically, a grin on her face. She hated cleaning, hence why the apartment was always in such a mess. "But unfortunately, I have work" Max shot her an unimpressed glance but couldn't help but laugh. "Don't let me stop you though. Why don't you head into town and pick up some bits for your childproofing?" Zoe smiled, unable to hide her amusement. "If you get Noah a little gift too we can pop round when I get in from work?" She added. They'd been seeing Noah weekly but his foster parents were more than happy for them to pop in whenever. They were building strong bonds with the little boy. Max smiled, although he was also not a fan of cleaning or shopping, the thought of making the flat ready for Noah was spurring him on.

"I'll even clean out the spare room so he has a nursery" Max replied although he frowned when Zoe's smile faltered. "You okay?"

"Maybe leave the nursery until we have a decision from the panel" Zoe replied quietly, her nerves once again kicking in. "I don't want to tempt fate" She added quickly, struggling to meet her husband's gaze. Luckily he was ever understanding.

"Good idea" He replied gently, reaching out to place a hand on her arm. Zoe smiled before picking up her bag from the sofa.

"I'm late for work" She declared, looking at the time. "Come to work after you're finished and then we can head over to Noah". She leaned in to kiss him goodbye and Max responded, gently kissing her.

"Have a good day. Love you!" He called as she disappeared out the front door and towards the lift to the front door of their apartment block. Max smiled and looked around at the mess, it was time to get to work.

* * *

Max met Zoe in the car park after work. She'd had a trying day, with her junior doctors deciding to cause havoc instead of doing their jobs. Subsequently, she wanted nothing more than a relaxed evening with Max and a special cuddle from little Noah. Her husband greeted her with a kiss on the cheek as he helped her into the car.

"Good day?" He asked softly, noticing the exhaustion which hung in her eyes.

"It was hectic" She replied honestly as Max started the ignition and began the drive to Noah's on the outskirts of Holby. "Did you get everything you needed in town?" She asked, looking towards the backseat which was full of shopping bags. As she looked at the backseat, she imagined Noah in his car seat smiling as they drove and hoped that one day soon her vision would come true.

"His present is in the blue bag" Max replied, letting Zoe lean across to grab it. She pulled out a plastic toy helicopter with flashing lights, songs and figurines. The sort of present she could easily see Max getting just as much joy out of as the little boy. "And then I got him something else, frankly because I couldn't resist" her husband laughed. "Look in the cardboard box" Zoe located it on the floor and pulled it onto her lap. She opened it up and pulled out a Build-A-Bear. The bear wore scrubs, a little mask and held onto a stethoscope. She couldn't help but grin. "Now he always has a reminder of you." Max laughed. Zoe smiled, as she placed the bear on her lap keeping it there for the rest of the journey.

* * *

When they arrived at the house Zoe didn't hesitate to hop out of the car and head towards the front door. Her nerves were becoming much less prominent and Max couldn't help but smile. The consultant was knocking on the door because Max had even managed to get the gifts out of the car. An unfamiliar character opened the door with Noah in their arms. Unsure, Zoe stayed silent. Max was soon by her side.

"Hello?" The older lady asked. She had short, grey hair and looked to be much older than Zoe.

"Hello" Max replied quietly. "We're here to see Noah" He managed to reply. The older lady looked bemused until Anna, Noah's foster mother, appeared at the door beside her.

"Max and Zoe, how lovely to see you" She smiled, quickly inviting them in. "I didn't know you were coming, please come and sit down"

"We brought some bits for Noah in town and just thought we'd drop them in" Max stuttered, watching the elderly lady play with Noah.

"It's lovely to see you" Anna repeated. "Let me introduce you to Noah's grandparents" She continued, pointing at the older lady who was playing with the little boy. An older man quickly appeared. "This is Norah and John". Max stepped forward to shake their hands, Zoe stayed back. "Norah and John, this is Zoe and Max. The couple who hope to adopt Noah".

The four exchanged pleasantries with Noah's grandparents wanting to learn a lot more about the couple who planned to adopt their only grandson. Zoe was quiet and left Max to do a lot of the talking unless directly asked a question. Jane had told them that Noah had grandparents but not that they were in his life. Max tried to grab the little boy's attention in order to give him his presents but Norah was insistent that the boy stay sat on her hip.

"We're just going out anyway" Norah told them as Max tried to hand the teddy to Noah. "You're going to have a sleepover at Grandma and Grandad's aren't you sweetheart?" She cooed, smiling when the little boy laughed. Max felt Zoe's grip tighten on his hand and he squeezed back reassuringly knowing that she was becoming upset.

"We best go" Max told them softly. Anna protested but Max was insistent. "See you soon Noah" He added gently, waving to the little boy who attempted to wave back. He smiled.

"Please come by and see Noah again soon" Anna said as she bid them goodbye at the front door. "He loves to spend time with you" She added, placing a gentle hand on Zoe's shoulder. "We only met his grandparents today, they're a bit full on" Anna whispered rousing a slight smile from Max.

"What if they want to keep him?" Zoe suddenly whispered, voicing her fears. Anna offered her a sad smile.

"Try not to worry." The foster mother offered lamely. They said their goodbyes and promised to come back soon to spend some more time with Noah. Max took Zoe's hand as he led her back to the car, unable to read the blank expression on his face. Even he felt at a loss about what had just happened. They reached the car and drove home in silence both trying to process the evening. Their minds were both in overdrive questioning whether Noah's grandparents were a threat to their future happiness.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thank you as always for your lovely reviews. I've been using my day off to write and bake! Here is the next chapter, I hope you like it x**

 **Chapter Twenty One:**

A tense few days followed. Zoe immediately sunk back into herself unwilling to talk about the adoption, Noah or anything more than what was for dinner. Max tried desperately to convince her that Noah's grandparents would soon back off. Zoe sometimes felt temporarily comforted but soon the fear creeped back in and she was left contemplating a future without little Noah. His grandparents had failed to take an interest in the little boy during his first year of life, so why now?

"How about we take Noah out for the day?" Max asked one morning as they lay silently in bed. She needed reassurance that Noah was still hopefully going to be their little boy.

"Can't Zoe muttered, rolling over and sitting up. "Work" She added quickly. Max's eyebrows knitted together in confusion, she certainly wasn't rostered for a shift but he decided not to question it.

"What about after work?" Her husband offered but Zoe just shrugged her shoulders.

The day didn't get much better when Max found an official looking letter on the doormat. Zoe was in the kitchen, picking at a slice of toast when he brought the letter through to her.

"What's that?" She asked, as he held it out. She took it gingerly and felt her stomach flip as she saw the adoption agency's logo embossed in the corner. She quickly gave it back to Max with a quiet 'you open it'. He did so, impatiently tearing at the edges. Pulling out a large wad of paper he let his eyes scan over the first page before glancing back at Zoe who was staring anxiously towards him.

"It's the date for our panel hearing" He told her softly. The day when they found out whether they could become adoptive parents or not. The last hurdle and the last obstacle to tackle before they could adopt Noah.

"When?" Zoe asked, her voice barely audible. The smell of her toast was now enough to make her stomach church, she pushed the plate away.

"Next Friday."

A silence hung in their air for a long while. Max reached out to take Zoe's hand but she didn't respond.

"It's so soon." She suddenly whispered, finally looking up towards Max. He managed a gentle nod. Jane had prepared them well for the panel and she would be coming back at the weekend to run through it again with them.

"You know what Jane said" Max began, this time taking Zoe's hand and squeezing it. "An outright rejection is very rare". The consultant shrugged her shoulders.

"Rare but not impossible" she replied stubbornly. There was always doubt with Zoe, she was always questioning when everything was going to go wrong. In any other situation, Max could reassure her pretty easily but recently he was finding it so much harder to keep her hopeful. "I'm going to work" she whispered quickly slipping off the chair, collecting her things and heading out the door without as much as a goodbye. As the front door shut, Max sighed heavily.

* * *

Undefeated, Max found himself walking towards Zoe's office at the end of the day. He knocked on the door and let himself in, finding his wife staring absently at a staff appraisal.

"Hello you" he greeted, bending down to kiss her cheek. Zoe managed a soft smile, an indication that her mood had slightly improved. "Good day?" He asked.

"Busy" his wife replied. "I needed the distraction if I'm honest" she added, letting him sit down opposite her.

"Do you want to go and see Noah?" Max asked tentatively, not wanting to ruin her good mood. Zoe was hesitant but nodded, a gentle smile pinching at the corner of her lips. She quickly gathered her things, not worried that her shift wasn't officially over, and slipped a hand into her husband's as he led her towards the car.

* * *

An hour later it was as if the last week hadn't happened. Zoe & Max stood in Noah's nursery, both unable to stop smiling. Noah was curled in Zoe's arms, his head upon her shoulder as she sang him a gentle lullaby. They'd played downstairs long past his bedtime, given him a bath and were now settling him down for bed.

"I'll just go and get his bottle" Max smiled upon hearing the microwave ping. Zoe nodded but continued to sing, settling down in the armchair with the little boy on her lap.

"I've had such a lovely evening with you little one" Zoe told him softly, rubbing soothingly circles into his back and the boy's eyes grew tired. "I hope you know that you and Max are the two most wonderful things to ever happen to me" she continued. Upon hearing her soft voice, Max stopped with the Noah's bottle just outside the door, pausing to listen. "I really hope I get to be your mum because you are one very special little boy and I can't imagine my life without you now" Zoe blinked away the tears that threatened to spill. "I really don't want what I'll do if Max and I can't be your mummy and daddy because there is nothing I want more in the world. And when you grow up I hope you never question how much we love you because we do. We love you so much little one and I can't believe that you might actually become my son, how lucky am I." Zoe's voice was barely audible but Max could still hear her and his heart was threatening to burst at the seams. The porter took note of the silence that fell upon the nursery and re-entered the room, holding the bottle out to Zoe. She took it with a grateful smile and handed it to Noah who gurgled happily.

"I love you, you know?" Max whispered, kneeling on the floor beside his wife and the little boy. Zoe turned to him with a smile and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Max quickly located a bedtime story and they took turns to read to the little boy, huddled together. When goodnight kisses and cuddles were had, Zoe and Max couldn't tear themselves away from the cot where they watched little Noah sleep. With their hands intertwined and their heads together, the couple couldn't help but feel so blessed.


	22. Chapter 22

**Sorry for the slow updates! I am determined to finish this story before the end of the year haha!**

 **Chapter Twenty Two:**

With their moods lifted, Max and Zoe anxiously waited for their panel hearing the following Friday. Jane, their social worker, spent many hours that week preparing them. She set up mock interviews, asked them to prepare their questions and ensured that they would say all the right things under pressure. Whilst she had no doubt that the panel would say yes, Jane didn't want to leave anything to chance. And so, on Friday morning Max and Zoe waited nervously outside Holby Town Hall where their panel would be held. Jane met them outside and offered some last minute words of guidance and support. Max thanked her graciously for everything she had done for them, regardless of the day's outcome. Zoe stayed silent. In fact, Max wasn't sure he'd heard her speak all morning. At ten thirty on the dot, they were invited through to the waiting room.

"It's going to be okay you know" Max whispered gently, squeezing Zoe's hand. She squeezed back with all her strength, noticing the way her hands visibly shook with nerves.

"I've never wanted anything more than I want us to be Noah's mum and dad" Zoe replied, her voice barely audible. Max managed a small smile before placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

"Whatever happens, I love you" he whispered gently. Zoe nodded her head. "You're more than enough"

The members of the panel shortly came into the waiting room to introduce themselves to Max and Zoe. They shook their hands in turn and smiled politely before the panel invited Jane inside to discuss their case.

* * *

It felt like Jane had been gone for hours when she reappeared a mere half an hour later. She then invited Zoe and Max back into the room with her. The panel introduced themselves again before beginning to ask them a range of questions. They asked about their strengths, weaknesses, hopes and fears.

"Mr and Mrs Walker you seem a wonderful couple." One of the panel stated with a smile. Zoe clutched Max's hand underneath the table. Max took a sip of his water with a shaky hand only stopping to smile back. "Personally I can see no issues with your case and would be happy to confirm your status as adopters" the man continued making them both smile. "Do you have anything to add Jane?"

"When Zoe & Max rang me I had just closed my last adoption case and was ready to retire. However, when I met this wonderful couple" she turned to them with a smile "I couldn't help but say 'one last case' and help them. They are a truly lovely couple and I have every reason to believe that they would make fantastic parents" Jane looked across to see Max and Zoe smiling gratefully at her. She was so proud of how far they'd come.

"Well I'm fairly sure we've come to a unanimous decision" the chair of the panel stated. Max squeezed Zoe's hand underneath the table and she reciprocated. "I don't think there are any doubts that you'll make brilliant parents and therefore we are pleased to sign you off as adoptive parents" he continued. Max and Zoe looked towards each other, both grinning.

"Really?" Zoe mumbled, the disbelief evident in her voice.

"Really" Jane confirmed with a laugh. "Congratulations to you both"

"Congratulations!" The chair of the panel smiled. The rest of the panel quickly followed in suit in congratulating the couple who couldn't seem to stop smiling. As they stood, each member of the panel shook their hand as they left. The next few moments seemed to pass as if a dream and soon they were sat in their car in silence, both looking towards each other with a grin.

"Did that really just happen?" Zoe asked, breaking the silence between them. Max's smile grew.

"I think it did" he laughed, causing Zoe to giggle. Suddenly her smile faltered and her eyes began to sparkle with tears.

"Does this mean we actually get to adopt Noah?" The consultant whispered, her voice barely audible. Max managed a gentle nod.

"I guess it does sweetheart" he replied, his voice as soft as she'd known it. "We get to bring our little man home" Max added, the smile once again returning to his lips. Zoe grasped his hand, the tears threatening to fall.

"I've never been as happy as I am right now Max" Zoe whispered suddenly, her eyes locked onto his. "Thank you so much"

"For what?" Her husband asked, his hand finding its way to her face where he gently touched her cheek.

"Loving me, sticking by me, staring a family with me…" her voice trailed off, it was barely even a whisper. The happy tears were now falling down her cheeks and Max leaned forward to kiss each one individually.

"I love you Zo, I can't wait for us to be a family with our little man". Zoe nodded, unable to form a sentence through her tears. She rested her forehead upon Max's and kissed him softly. "Come on, let's go and see our little boy" He whispered into the silence, unable to stop the grin that pinched at the corner of him lips.


	23. Chapter 23

**Oh my. I completely forgot about this! Luckily, my placement is now over and I'm still feeling determined to finish this. This next update is very unrealistic and less than factual so I apologise in advance. I know I should let Zoe & Max be happy for a while but I have writers block against anything that isn't drama! Thank you for your continued support, I hope you enjoy this next chapter and please remember to leave a review! Thank you x**

 **Chapter Twenty Three:**

It had been a week since the panel and the news that they were finally going to be parents was only just starting to sink in. Zoe found herself walking around work with a permanent grin to her features and Max found it impossible to walk past any shop without eyeing up something for Noah's nursery. Max had been on the phone to Jane all morning sorting out the adoption of Noah. Whilst there were still a lot of legalities to tie up, it was more or less coming together.

"This is all getting so real" Max commented as he ended the call with Jane and put his phone into his jean pocket. Zoe nodded from where she was sat working through some patient files. "We need to start working on Noah's nursery. You wanted to wait until after the panel and we have no excuse now" he laughed. Zoe smiled.

"I thought you were allergic to shopping?" Zoe questioned with a wink, Max laughed. "We need a colour scheme" Zoe quickly stated, putting down her pen and focusing all her attention onto Max and their nursery plans.

"Why don't we go and pick up Noah and thenhead into town?" Max offered, retrieving his phone ready to call Noah's foster carers. Zoe let a grin settle on her lips as she nodded.

"Good idea!"

* * *

Jane was at her desk tying up the last bits of the adoption when her office phone rang. She answered it in her usual professional tone ready to tell the caller that she was retiring very soon but was happy to refer them onto one of her colleagues. However when the caller introduced themselves, Jane felt her stomach flip.

"Has Noah's adoption been formalised yet?" Noah's grandmother asked, her voice void of emotion. Jane tried desperately to read Norah's tone but it was futile.

"No" Jane offered lamely.

"As Noah's only blood relatives, we'd like to adopt him" Norah stated, her voice defiant. A stunned silence followed as Jane tried to stop the anger that was bubbling in her stomach.

"I'm not sure that's going to be possible" Jane managed to reply, her voice quiet. In the end, blood relatives always had more rights in adoption cases. She'd seen it happen time and time again.

"We have rights" Norah replied quickly. "Look" her voice softened somewhat. "I don't meant to sound rude but we really, really want to adopt our grandson"

"I understand" Jane replied, her voice strained. "Are you free to come into the office and have a chat?"

"We're not changing our minds" the older lady replied with a sigh. Jane rested her head upon her hands.

"I'm not asking you to" she replied. "If you're serious about this then we have to start making arrangements and stop Zoe & Max's case before it's finalised."

"Thank you, we'll be with you in about an hour" Norah told her before saying her goodbyes and hanging up. Putting the phone down Jane let her head fall into her hands with a heavy sigh. Of all people, why did this have to happen to Zoe & Max?

* * *

As expected, Norah and John found themselves in Jane's office an hour later. The atmosphere was tense and a silence hung in the air. Jane let out a shaky breath in an attempt to put her personal feelings aside and act professionally.

"As Noah's blood relatives it is possible for us to stop the adoption" Jane admitted sadly. "And as you are also his grandparents it is possible for Noah to stay with you almost immediately." Norah and John nodded. They would make steps to become his legal guardians in time. "Can I ask why you didn't take these steps in the beginning?"

"We didn't know about Noah until a few months ago. We didn't have much contact with our daughter" John replied sadly, his voice quiet. Jane nodded knowingly. "We think Zoe & Max are wonderful people" the grandfather offered "but Noah is our only grandson"

"We didn't do right by our daughter but we need to do right by him" Norah added softly. Jane offered a sad smile. "Zoe and Max are still welcome to see Noah" she added quickly.

"I'm not sure that's wise" Jane offered sadly. "It might just be easier to give them a clean break and let them try and move on." Norah and John nodded, it all seemed so unfair.

"Will you sort everything for us?" John asked. "Legally I mean?"

"Yes. I'll make some phone calls his afternoon and call off the adoption. Do you have a solicitor? I may need to get in contact with them" Jane asked. Norah nodded and wrote down the details. They continued to talk about the legalities of the situation for a long while until almost everything was sorted.

"And finally, what about Zoe & Max?" Jane asked, her voice quiet as she thought about the couple whose world was about to come crashing down around them. "Would you like to tell them or would you like me to do it?" The couple thought for a long while before replying.

"Could you do it please?" John asked quietly. Jane nodded. "Tell them we're really very sorry"

"They're great people, we wish them all the best for the future" Norah added softly. Jane managed a sincere smile.

"I'll call you both tomorrow with any updates okay?" The social worker smiled, extending her arm to shake their hands as Norah and John stood to leave.

"Thank you for everything" John smiled gratefully. Jane smiled as she watched them leave before shutting the door and sinking down into her office chair with a heavy sigh debating how on earth was she going to break this news to the most sincere couple she'd ever met. Why did life continue to be so unfair to them?


	24. Chapter 24

**Once again, I am so sorry for how long this has taken. However, last nights Casualty has inspired me somewhat. Seeing Zoe & Max with Matilda was all I needed to carry on writing this. It's going to be a little sad for a while but hopefully you'll still enjoy it. Thank you always for your continued support, please remember to leave a review! x**

 **Chapter Twenty Four:**

And so, the next day Jane found herself outside Max and Zoe's apartment trying to summons the courage to knock. She simply didn't want to break the couple's heart but she knew in reality that she had no choice. Hesitantly the social worker knocks on the front door, her heart already pounding against her chest. It doesn't take long for Jane to hear footsteps and Max wondering out loud who could be at the door.

"Hello Jane" Max greets happily as he opens the door with a smile. "I wasn't expecting to see you today". Jane manages an uneasy smile and the porter instantly spots her troubled demeanour.

"Can I come in?" She asks softly. Max doesn't trust the sympathetic smile on her face but plays along regardless, leading her through to the living room. When she declines a hot drink and questions him on Zoe's whereabouts, the porter begins to worry.

"She's at work" Max replies simply. "We weren't expecting you" he repeats again, hoping for an explanation.

"I really want to talk to you both together" Jane attempts to insist but Max cuts her off.

"What's wrong?" He asks bluntly although his voice remains soft.

"I'd much rather speak to you both together" she replies. This time Max shakes his head.

"Please just tell me" he pleads, his voice remains soft. Jane admits defeat and takes a deep breath, steadying her nerves. She'd broken a lot of bad news during her time as a social worker but this was different. Zoe and Max were different. It broke her heart to have to break theirs.

"It's Noah" Jane begins. Max fidgets in his seat.

"Is he okay?" The porter asks urgently.

"He's fine" she assures him gently managing a soft smile. "I'm afraid his grandparents have been in touch". Her voice is much more gentle now and Max prepares himself for the worst. "They'd like to become his legal guardians and put a stop to the adoption"

"But that can't happen right?" Max asks, his heart pounding against his chest. They couldn't possibly take their little boy, could they?

"Sadly it can" Jane whispered, extending a hand to touch Max's shoulder. "As Noah's only remaining blood relatives I'm afraid that they can be his guardians and there is very little we can do to stop it. Especially as the adoption has not yet been formalised". Max ignored the tears which threatened to spill, his mind franticly buzzing as he tried to take it all in.

"So we can't adopt Noah?" He asks, his voice barely a whisper. Jane shakes her head with a sad smile. "Can we even see him?"

"The grandparents have said you're welcome to but it might just be best to get a clean break, try to move on" she offers quietly.

"Move on?" Max whispers, the tears making their way down his cheeks. "He was meant to be our son and now we'll never see him again" Max tries to shout but his voice is barely audible.

"I understand that this is very difficult for you" Jane offers softly. Max manages a weak nod.

"We spent all weekend making him a nursery" Max attempts to whisper but his voice cracks. Jane wraps an arm around his shoulders and he gratefully accepts her hug as he cries. The pair are quiet for a long while. Jane occasionally offers quiet comfort to Max but for the most part they are silent.

"Zoe" He whispers suddenly, his voice threatening to crack again. "How am I going to tell Zoe?" There is a hint of desperation in his voice and his eyes are wide with horror at the mere thought. "This is going to break her"

"I can be here when you tell her" Jane offers softly to which Max smiles gratefully. "Would you like to get her from work, tell her now?" This time, Max shook his head.

"No" he replied suddenly. "I'll wait until she gets home". Jane looks towards Max with an empathetic smile before sighing softly.

"Is there anything I can do?" She asks gently. Max shakes his head.

"I think I need some time alone" he suddenly whispers. The social worker nods knowingly. "I need some time to process everything before Zoe gets home"

"You'll call me if you need anything won't you?" Jane gathers her things and the pair walk slowly towards the front door, Max struggling as the emotional exhaustion begins to hit.

"Yes" the porter replies simply, his voice threatening to crack as the enormity of the situation hit him again. Jane turns as heads out of the apartment.

"I'll come by tomorrow and see how you both are okay?"

"Okay" Max manages to whisper before the tears begin to fall. Managing a gentle wave, Max closes the door and leans back against it as the sobs overtake his distraught body.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five:**

Zoe returned home from work to a silent apartment. The lights were off and her brow instantly furrowed in confusion. When Max didn't appear at the door to shower her with kisses she assumed he must have popped out and continued to kick off her shoes. On further investigation however she found the light in the nursery to be on and an uneasy feeling rose in her stomach.

"Max?" She called out tentatively. Receiving no reply, Zoe padded into the nursery following her instinct that something was clearly not right. Standing in the doorway she quickly saw Max sat on the rug they'd recently purchased for Noah. It was designed like a road and they'd lined toy cars along the outside with plans to race them when the little boy was older. Zoe opened her mouth to ask what he was doing hunched over himself in the middle of the room, she quickly stopped however when she heard gentle sobs.

"Max" she managed to mumble, her throat suddenly feeling constricted at the sight of her distressed husband. Within seconds she closed the gap between them and dropped to her knees, pulling the man she loved into her arms. He looked up at her touch, suddenly aware of her presence.

"Zoe" her husband replied, his voice no more than a whisper. The porter quickly wipes the tears from his eyes.

"What's happened?" The consultant asks attempting to make sense of the situation. Max falls silent. "Tell me" Zoe continues, her voice surprising her with its strength. Max stumbles over his words as he attempts to explain the situation, suddenly very aware that they were sat on the floor in the nursery that Noah would now never see.

"Jane came round earlier" Max began. "Noah's grandparents have applied to be his legal guardians"

"And?" Zoe asked, not quite understanding the issue.

"Blood relatives trump adoptive parents" Max replied simply. "The adoption has fallen though" he added with a whisper, mentally preparing for Zoe's reaction. "I'm so sorry Zoe" he added quietly.

"No" she whispered, her voice horrified as her face quickly drained of colour. "No" she repeated. He could see the tears filling her eyes as she struggled to comprehend the situation. "Max no" Zoe repeated, fiercely shaking her head. "It's not true, it can't be true." Max remained silently. Zoe frantically searched his face for a flicker of hope but the sorrow in his eyes told her everything she needed to know. "I'm think I'm going to be sick" she announced suddenly standing to her feet and heading towards the bathroom, a hand clamped to her mouth.

* * *

An hour later, the pair were still slumped on the bathroom floor. Max was holding his wife's sobbing body, his hand rubbing circles into her back. She'd been sick and she'd cried and then she'd cried so much that she'd made herself sick. It was a vicious circle with Max feeling helpless as to what to do. Encouraged by the fact that she couldn't cry forever he patiently waited for her to calm down, continuing to soothe her in any way possible.

"You're alright Zo" He whispered helplessly as her sobs began to lessen.

"Why?" Zoe asked, her voice barely audible. "Why us, why Noah?" Her eyes were now looking up to Max as if he held all the answers. He sighed weakly.

"I don't know" the porter admitted softly. "We can get through this though, I promise you"

"How?" Zoe asked feebly, her eyes filling with tears once more. "I can't imagine our lives without him now"

"We'll find our happiness Zo" Max tells her softly, his voice stronger than he felt. "There is a child out there for us who will make all of this worthwhile". Zoe shook her head.

"I want Noah" she replied fiercely. "It's not fair" the consultant snapped, forcing herself to her feet. Zoe's exhausted body complained at the sudden movement but she pushed through stumbling out of the bathroom.

"Zo" Max called powerlessly as she turned her back to him. Before he could stand Zoe had made it into their bedroom and had slammed the door with force. Sinking down onto the bed Zoe let the sobs take over once more as she contemplated a future without the little boy that had given her so much hope.


	26. Chapter 26

**I'm trying to get into writing this again so hopefully you're all still enjoying it. It's going to stay sad for a while but there is definitely happiness to come, I promise. Please remember to read and review, thank you! x**

 **Chapter Twenty Six:**

Neither of them slept well that night. Locked out of the bedroom, Max had taken to the sofa with only a light blanket for company. The temperature had dropped significantly in the past week and despite being exhausted, whirling thoughts and a freezing cold body meant he'd struggled to fall asleep. He'd also kept half an ear out for Zoe all night in case she woke and needed him. In the end she hadn't but Max couldn't help but worry.

Zoe had fallen into a fitful but exhausted slumber a little after 2am. Her dreams were plagued however and it wasn't much after 6am when she woke, the force of her heartbreak hitting her once more. Her heart craved Noah and she yearned for Max, regretting her behaviour the previous night. She couldn't explain the ache in her chest, it was like she was grieving and in a way she was. Grieving for the little boy who would now never be theirs.

* * *

Helpless, unsure and troubled, Max had put a mercy call out to Jane explaining that he was very much out of his depth. She'd agreed to come round instantly, explaining that she intended to pop round anyway. It was a little after 11am when she arrived, worry written into every crevice of her being. When Max opened the door she engulfed him in a comforting hug, shocked at the sorrow that was almost etched into his eyes.

"Come in" Max managed to offer, his voice void of any fight, strength or determination.

"How are you?" Jane asked carefully heading straight into the kitchen to make them both a cup of tea, she figured they would need looking after today.

"Numb" Max replied honestly, sinking into the armchair and watching Jane as she waited for the kettle to boil. "It's slowly starting to sink in that all the stuff we planned to do with him will never happen" Jane nodded emphatically.

"We will work through this Max" she replied strongly. "I can get our counselling team involved and I'm already shortlisting new children for if and when you're ready". Max managed a weak smile. "How did Zoe take it?"

"Hard" Max replied quietly, his head dropping to stare down at his knees.

"Where is she now?"

"Upstairs. She got herself in such a state that she was sick and by the time she calmed down she locked herself in our room and I haven't seen her since". Max whispered. Jane immediately felt concern wash over her. She was expecting Zoe to be upset but she certainly wasn't expecting her to push Max away.

"Have you tried talking to her?" Max shakes his head.

"I don't know what to say to her" the porter replies honestly. "She kept asking me why and I don't know why. I can't bear to see her so upset". Jane nods because she understands, walking over with two steaming cups of tea.

"I'll go and say hello" Jane replied gently and Max smiles gratefully, cradling the steaming tea in his hands.

"If you need anything just shout" Max calls after her as she begins to ascend the stairs, a cup of tea for Zoe in her hands.

* * *

"Zoe" Jane calls hesitantly, knocking gently on the bedroom door. Receiving no reply Jane knocks again, louder this time.

"Max?" She hears Zoe ask tentatively.

"It's me, Jane. Can you let me in?" This time Zoe stays silent. Jane calls again but Zoe continues to ignore her so Jane changes her tactic. Heading back downstairs she smiles sadly at Max.

"No joy?" He asks quietly. Jane shakes her head.

"She called for you though, maybe you'll have more luck" Jane encouraged.

"I'm not sure" Max replied cautiously.

"You need each other at the moment, more than ever" she tells him gently. "Take her up this cup of tea, I'll wait down here in case you need me". Max nodded before managing a weak smile and heading upstairs, tea in hand.

* * *

"Zo" Max called gently, knocking on the door. "I brought you a cup of tea" he added. There was a short silence before Max heard a rattling behind the door. Seconds later, the door drifted open. Pushing it gently he stepped inside, quickly striding towards Zoe who was curled up again on the bed. Placing the tea on the cabinet he clambered up beside her, quickly wrapping his arms around her. "Zo" he whispered again, placing soft kisses on her forehead. It didn't take long for the tears to begin to fall, accompanied by Zoe's soft voice as she repeatedly told Max she was sorry.

"Please don't apologise darling" Max whispered gently. "I love you so much" he added softly, inhaling her familiar scent as he placed kisses into her hair.

"It's all so unfair Max" Zoe managed to whisper, her voice as gentle as he'd ever known in. The porter nodded knowingly.

"I know Zo, I know. It all seems so impossible at the minute but we'll get through this, like we always do"

"I want Noah" the consultant continued, repeating her sentiments from last night.

"I know but that's not possible anymore sweetheart" Max tried to reason. "We need to grieve and then try to move on. We will get our happy ending"

"What if we never find another child like Noah?" Zoe asks suddenly, her eyes wide with fear. Max drops a soft kiss onto her cheek.

"We will" he replies simply despite the fact he was feeling the same qualms and worries as his wife. "Until then, you're more than enough". Zoe manages a weak smile and although it is barely there, Max's heart still dithers with joy. Lifting his thumb to wipe the tears from her cheeks Max lets Zoe rest her head against his chest, enjoying the steadfast beating of his heart. To her surprise she found her eyes growing heavy, despite her aching heart. Max looked down as he felt her breathing even out, amazed to see that she'd fallen asleep. The porter smiles softly, placing a kiss on her forehead before letting his own eyes fall shut.

* * *

Jane had been pottering downstairs for about an hour. She'd tidied the apartment and made the couple some meals to keep in the freezer, knowing they wouldn't feel much like cooking or eating in the next few days. She'd even phoned the ED and sensitively explained the situation to Connie, requesting her support and understanding. The gentle mutterings from upstairs had fallen silent causing an intrigued Jane to pad up the stairs. She knocked softly before popping her head around the bedroom door. She couldn't help but smile as she saw the pair curled up together, sound asleep. They'd get through this, she was sure of it.


	27. Chapter 27

**Thank you for the reviews. I am sorry these updates keep taking forever. My mission to get this finished by the end of the year is looking more unlikely every day haha! x**

 **Chapter Twenty Seven:**

The following day saw a huge change in the moods of both Zoe & Max. The former awoke with a need to bury her head in the sand whilst the latter seemed to want to sink into himself more than ever. Woken by his wife Max looked groggily around their bedroom. It had just gone 7am and Zoe was already in the shower, her work clothes laid out neatly on the dresser. The porter frowned. He'd received a text from Connie last night informing him that Jane had explained what had happened and told them to take as much time as they needed. So why was Zoe getting ready for work?

"Morning" Zoe smiled, appearing from the bathroom with a towel wrapped loosely around her body.

"Morning" Max manages to stutter. "Where are you going?" He asks lamely as she pulls on a dress and begins to blow dry her hair.

"Work" Zoe replies simply.

"Are you sure you're ready?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" She replies quickly. Max shrugs, unable to think of a reply that wouldn't fuel her mood. "Are you coming?" The porter shakes his head. He was barely able to concentrate on the television at the moment, let alone work. "I'm going to go and get a head start then, I'll see you later" the consultant smiles unable to stand the strained atmosphere much longer. She collected her make up ready to do once she got to work before leaning across the bed to place a kiss on her husband's cheek. He just continued to stare, dumbfounded.

"Bye" He mumbled, watching her walk from the room as if the last three days were a figment of his imagination.

As soon as he heard the front door click shut Max dissolved into the tears that had been threatening to spill over the past few days. He let out a frustrated growl that was mostly aimed at Zoe. She clearly wasn't ready to go back to work so Max couldn't understand why she was putting on a front. They needed to work through this together but he felt like they were already drifting apart. Max let the tears continue to fall as grieved for the little boy that would now no longer be theirs. His mind was racing as he worried about Zoe and whether she was okay at work. He'd already had to lose Noah, he couldn't bear to lose Zoe too.

* * *

Zoe wandered into work and headed straight to her office, unable to face anyone. As she sank into her office chair it became clear with every passing minute that she'd made the wrong decision to come back to work so soon. The thought of facing patients and her colleagues was almost too much to bear. No one knew about Noah and therefore no one would sympathise with her. When she'd woken up that morning the idea of being able to get on as usual without question had been the attraction of coming to work. Now though all she craved was Max's comforting embracing and his soothing voice telling her that they'd get through this, even though she barely believed it. Taking a deep breath Zoe picks up her stethoscope, mentally preparing herself for the day in hope that throwing herself into work would help her to forget.

* * *

Unable to lay in bed worrying, Max had got up and dragged himself into the shower. By the time he'd washed and dressed, the porter was exhausted. The emotional stress was certainly taking its toll.

Within the hour, Max found himself in the nursery they'd recently finished for Noah. Looking around he tried to ignore all the little trinkets and treasures they'd brought especially for the little boy and the pain that it caused to see them, knowing they'd never be used. It was a conscious and somewhat rash decision to dismantle the nursery and everything they'd brought. Realistically they had no use for it anymore and that's what Max told himself as he took a screwdriver to the cot in order to take it apart. Maybe it would make things easier if they didn't have the visual reminder of what could have been, he thought as he moved on from the crib to the wardrobe. Max carefully took all the clothes from the closet one by one, slowly folding them and allowing the fabric to linger in his hands. He carefully placed them in a bin bag with thoughtful plans to donate them to charity. When he'd got going, the task hadn't taken him much time at all and soon their spare room once resembled what it once was. Despite the cot which lay back in his box on the floor. Max had a vain hope that one day they might find a use for it.

The rest of the day seemed to drag to an incomprehensible standard. Unable to sit still just contemplating and worrying, Max had cleaned, done three loads of washing and been into down with the clothes, toys and trinkets they'd brought for Noah. He'd left them at a local charity shop with little explanation, leaving with as little fuss as when he'd arrived. It was only that he got back to the car had he let the tears fall again.

* * *

Zoe had surprised herself. By lunchtime she had managed to get on top of her paperwork and treat several patients. Her work had come as the welcome distraction she'd hoped for and even though she thought of Noah often, there was always something to refocus her attention.

"Zoe" Connie called as the brunette passed her office on the way outside. "I'm surprised to see you back so soon. I heard about what happened, I'm so sorry" she continued, her scepticism fading into concern. Zoe remained silent, unsure of what and how much Connie knew. "How are you?"

"Fine" Zoe replied swiftly, pushing her nails into her palms in attempt to stop the frustrated tears from falling. The brunette silently cursed Max, almost sure he had rang Connie in an attempt to check up on her.

"How are you finding being back?" Connie continued to press, unfazed and less than fooled by her colleague's façade.

"Fine thanks" Zoe replied, forcing a weak smile.

"And Max?"

"He needs some more time" Zoe replied quietly. If she was honest, she had no idea how Max was. She'd ignored his texts all day.

"Tell him to take as long as he needs, I told him that last night" Connie smiled kindly. Zoe's eyebrows furrowed with confusion. When had Max spoken to Connie she wondered. Connie's voice stopped her trail of thought. "If you need anything you know where I am"

"Thanks" the consultant managed to mutter before quickly pacing outside before she could be stopped again.

' _Why did you tell Connie about Noah?"_

'I didn't. Are you okay? Mx'

Zoe let out a growl of frustration, convinced Max was lying to her.

 _'_ _Well she knows and I didn't tell her'_

'It was Jane. Are you okay? Mx'

Choosing not to reply, Zoe shoved her phone into her pocket letting out a shaky breathe into the winter's air. The tears that she'd been blinking back all day were now threatening to fall. Taking a deep breath, Zoe ran a hand under her eyes even though no tears had fallen before turning on her heel and heading back into the hospital looking for anything to distract her.

* * *

Exhausted, agitated and still devastated, Zoe threw herself into work for the rest of the day, working long after her shift had ended. Unable to face Max, his upset and his concern Zoe decided to sleep in the on-call room, already deciding to work another long day tomorrow. Work had helped her to forget somewhat and allow her to bury her head in the sand. She knew Max, Connie, Jane and everybody else would not approve but she had to do what was best for her.

' _Work is busy, I'm staying tonight'_

'Please come home Zo. Mx'

' _See you tomorrow. Night x'_

'Sleep well. I love you Mxxxxx'


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight:**

Neither of them slept well that night. At work Zoe was able to block out all thoughts of Noah and focus on treating patients but laid in an unfamiliar bed on her own, it was much harder to stop herself from thinking about him. The tragedy of the situation was hitting her in waves again and by the time she fell into a restless sleep it was almost time to wake up.

Max struggled to sleep, despite being exhausted. The empty space beside him made it difficult to relax, especially when he was so worried about her.

* * *

A gentle knock on the door woke Zoe. She clambered out of bed, quickly pulling on her dress before opening the door.

"Only me" Max told her softly, happy when Zoe stepped back to allow him to walk into the on-call room. Shutting the door behind him Max watched Zoe pull her dress back off and scrambled back under the covers, clearly not ready to face the day just yet. "I brought you some clean clothes from home" her husband told her softly placing them on the end of the bed.

"Max" Zoe managed to whisper, reaching out for him. Kicking off his shoes Max clambered into bed next to her where she do desperately craved his touch. Surprised when she burst into tears Max engulfed her delicate body in a comforting and familiar hug, letting her snivel into his shoulder.

"Oh Zo" He whispered gently rubbing soothing circles into her back as she cried.

"I was such a bitch to you yesterday" Zoe managed to mumble though her tears. Max kissed the top of her head.

"It's okay" He told her honestly. Zoe shook her head adamantly.

"No it's not, we're meant to be getting through this together" She replied, giving into another bout of tears. "It's so unfair" the consultant sobbed causing Max to hug her that little bit tighter.

"I know Zo, I know"

"Come home with me?" Max asked her softly once she had calmed down. Zoe agreed within an instant.

"I think work was a step too far, too soon" Zoe told him honestly to which Max nodded.

"I think we need to go home and just be" her husband replied honestly. "We need to get over this before we can start to move on.

"It's just so hard" Zoe whispered softly, trying not to give into the tears once again.

"I know" Max replied honestly feeling helpless. He didn't know what else to say, in fact there wasn't very much else to say. It was unfair, it was hard and it was difficult. But they'd make it through this, he was sure of it.

* * *

By the time they'd returned home, Zoe had fallen into a trance only able to do make her legs move if instructed by Max. He firstly undressed her carefully before leading her into the shower. Turning onto the hot water he watched the water mix with the tears that were now running down her cheeks. Carefully peeling off his own clothes he stepped into the shower behind her, pulling her into his arms as she began to sob into his chest.

He gently washed her hair before turning off the water and pulling her into a warm, fluffy towel.

"Sorry" she mumbled into his chest as he gently dried her delicate skin.

"Come on" her husband whispered, placing soft kisses in her hair as he helped her to pull on a clean pair of pyjamas. Leading her to the sofa, he placed a blanket over her legs before pulling a comb through her cropped hair, ensuring there were no tangles.

Falling onto the sofa beside her, Max debated flicking on the television but he noticed the way Zoe's breathing had begun to even out and guessed she was about to fall asleep. Pulling her into his arms, he allowed Zoe to cuddle into his chest as he eyes grew heavy. By the time he'd checked his phone and run his fingers through her hair, she was asleep, albeit fitfully.

* * *

"Max!" He heard her shout from where he was making dinner in the kitchen. Dropping what he was doing in case something were wrong, Max rushed into the living room attempting to follow her voice.

"Zo?" He called. She suddenly appeared in the doorway of the nursery, horror contouring her expression. "What's the matter?" he asked, pacing towards her. When she stepped back, his brow furrowed.

"The nursery" she managed to stutter causing Max's heart to sink to the pit of his stomach.

"Fuck" he muttered, remembering the previous day when he'd dismantled the room whilst Zoe was at work.

"Where is everything?" The consultant managed to whisper before the tears began to fall.

"I, um-" Max began, unsure how to explain. "I took it to a charity shop in town". He watched Zoe's expression fall as her tears began to fall harder.

"Why did you do that?" She asked, her voice barely audible. When he didn't reply she suddenly raised her voice through her heavy sobs. "I didn't say you could do that".

"I thought it would be easier if we didn't have reminders of him everywhere" Max admitted softly but Zoe just continued to cry. Stepping towards her, Max tried to pull her into his arms but she fought him, flailing until he let go. Trying again he placed soft kisses on top of her hair until she gave up trying to fight him off and fell into his arms, exhausted. Lowering them both to the floor, Max stroked her hair until she calmed, rocking them softly.

"I'm sorry" Max mumbled into her hair as she began to calm. "I'm sorry" he repeated, kissing the top of her head. Zoe remained silent.

* * *

Max joined Zoe in bed several hours later. The lights were off and although Max thought Zoe was asleep, he wasn't surprised to see her staring at the ceiling.

"Okay?" He asked softly, rolling onto his side to face her. She hesitated before sighing softly.

"I'm sorry for earlier" she told him gently. "It was wrong of me to react like that, I'm not coping very well" the consultant admitted slowly. Max kissed her softly.

"I'm sorry, it was my fault" he replied. "I should have asked you about emptying the nursery instead of just doing it"

"You were right to" Zoe told him with a weak smile. "It would have been harder to see all the things we brought for him as opposed to seeing the empty room". Max looked unsure but Zoe offered a small smile. Resting her head on his chest she sighed again, staring at the ceiling as they lay in silence.

"It's Christmas next week" Max stated quietly. It didn't feel like it at all.

"Things will be better next year" Zoe attempted to tell him but her words were unconvincing and it almost came out like a question.

"They will" Max confirmed, placing a firm kiss to her lips. "I promise".


	29. Chapter 29

**Thank you for the reviews!**

 **Chapter Twenty Nine:**

Still numb and reeling from recent events, Christmas that year was a quiet affair. It was Christmas Eve when Max persuaded Zoe that they should head out to buy a little tree and attempt to decorate the house, despite the fact that neither of them much felt like it.

"What about this one?" Max asked, pointing to a small tree in the garden centre. As they'd left it so late they had the pick of a bad bunch but after the events of the last few weeks Max decided it was less than important. When he didn't receive a reply he tugged softly on Zoe's hand, looking across to find her watching a small family laugh and joke as they picked out Christmas decorations.

"Maybe this wasn't such a great idea" Max whispered, pulling Zoe closer to him by placing a tight arm around her back. "Do you want to go home?" he asked softly, swooping to place a kiss on the top of his wife's forehead. She hesitated before shaking her head.

"That one is nice" she offered half-heartedly, pointing at the tree Max was previously talking about. Smiling gently Max placed another kiss to her head.

"Let's get that one then" he replied gently. "Let's get some things to go on it too" he added, leading her towards a display of reindeer and snowflakes.

* * *

"I think it needs more tinsel" Max laughed looking over at the little tree which was covered head to foot in silver tinsel. When they'd arrived home Zoe had been less than interested in decorating the tree but determined to make Christmas as normal as possible, Max had decorated it himself with disastrous consequences.

"It's nice" Zoe managed to offer, shrugging her shoulders at the tree before looking back to stare absently at the television. Max sighed sadly.

"Don't lie" he teased, forcing a laugh. "The Zoe I know would never have anything so ghastly in her home". This time, Zoe didn't even look up. "Do you want me to do it again?"

Zoe shrugged her shoulders.

"Do you want me to take it down?" Zoe didn't reply and Max grew frustrated. "Whether you like it or not Zo, Christmas is happening. We can sit here and pretend it isn't happening or we can try and enjoy ourselves and try to move on from Noah. Either way, I don't care but I want to see you happy" when Zoe's head snapped up, Max realised he was shouting. As her tears began to fall Max lowered his voice, walking over to her. "I'm sorry" he offered softly. "It's just killing me seeing you so upset" the porter added honestly.

Zoe let him sit down, immediately burying her head in his warm Christmas jumper as she tried to blot her tears.

"He should be here" Zoe managed to whisper through her tears. Max sighed sadly into her hair.

"I know" he replied gently.

"He should be making the tree a mess with silly little decorations he's made" Zoe continued. "The tree should have hundreds of presents underneath it for him and he should be so excited about Santa"

"I know" Max repeated, kissing the top of her head. "I know its shit Zo but it's really breaking my heart to see you like this" he told her honestly, the tears now forming in his own eyes. Zoe looked up sadly, placing a kiss on his lips.

"I'm sorry" she offered, harshly rubbing at her eyes. Max gripped her hands so she couldn't be so rough, gently blotting the tears with his thumb. "I'm sorry" she repeated. Max simply shook his head. "You're right, Christmas is happening and I need to stop sitting here feeling sorry for myself".

Max offered a wry smile.

"Let's do the tree again" Zoe offered, suddenly standing to her feet. She held her arms out to Max who took her hand with a smile. Zoe took a deep breath, preparing herself to feign happiness for the next hour whilst they redid the tree when it was the last thing on her mind. "Take it all off then" she suddenly demanded, forcing a laugh.

"Are you saying my tree is ugly?" Max asked in mock horror, laughing when Zoe simply nodded.

"Tinsel shouldn't go on trees" Zoe replied, reaching up on tip toes to pull the decorations from the tree. They worked together in a companionable silence as Max wound the lights around the branches with Zoe's guidance.

"Next year will be different you know?" He offered softly. Zoe hesitated before she nodded.

"I know" she replied softly. It was just so hard to believe that her pain would lessen and she would start to feel better because at the moment, her grief was all consuming.

* * *

Zoe was just placing the finishing touches to the tree when a knock at the door dragged her from her thoughts.

"Will you get that?" She called to Max who was making mince pies in the kitchen. She didn't feel like facing anyone today. Max quickly wiped his flour covered hands on his jogging bottoms before walking to the door.

"Hello" he greeted softly seeing Jane stood on the other side. She offered a warm smile before pulling him into a hug. "I came to see how you both were?" She asked, pulling off her shoes as she followed Max into the hall.

"Coping" Max replied, unable to meet her gaze. Jane gently placed an arm on his shoulder. "And Zoe?" Max remained silent, trying to think of a word which explained her heartbreak.

"She's surviving" he offered sadly. "Come in, I'm baking" the porter added, managing a weak smile. Jane followed him into the lounge, stopping in the doorway to watch Zoe finish the tree.

"I must say, you've done a wonderful job" the social worker grinned. Zoe turned, having not heard her come in, and offered a slight smile. "How are you doing?" She asked, pacing forward to give Zoe a similar warm hug to the one she'd given Max. Zoe didn't reply and Jane understood wholeheartedly.

"Here you are" Max smiled, appearing back in the lounge with three steaming mugs of tea and a plate of freshly baked mince pies.

"They smell amazing" Jane complimented, sitting in the arm chair as she gratefully received a mug and a cake. When Max offered them to Zoe she turned her nose up, like she did at most things these days. Jane noticed his sad sigh as he sat next to Zoe on the sofa. Resting a warm hand on the top of her thigh Max noticed the way she clung onto her fingers as he and Jane chatted mindlessly about the weather, Christmas and a new roundabout they were building in town.

"I think I'm going for a lie down" Zoe announced, standing to her feet as the conversation turned to adoption and potentially trying to find another child in the New Year.

"Shout if you need anything" Max offered quietly as she turned from the room, not even stopping to say goodbye to Jane. When they were sure she was gone Max finally let the tears in his eyes begin to fall. Jane quickly moved to sit next to him, resting a comforting hand on his upper arm.

"You're doing so well Max" Jane told him softly. "Zoe will get there". Max remained silent. "She's very withdrawn, I think maybe some counselling with our team will help"

"I'm not really sure counselling is her thing" Max offered honestly, brushing away his tears with a shaky hand.

"Talk to her about it for me? You might find that she really benefits from talking to someone other than you and me".

Max agreed, willing to do anything that would ease Zoe's emotional burden. As the conversation turned back to polite pleasantries, Max urged Jane to get home to her own family. It was Christmas Eve after all.

"You look after each other won't you?" Jane offered softly as she stood to leave. Max nodded. "I know it'll be tough but try and have a good day tomorrow won't you?"

"We'll try. My mum wants us to go round to hers for a few hours in the afternoon. She'll probably spend the whole time arguing with Zoe but at least it'll take her mind off things" the porter offered with a weak laugh. Jane smiled.

"You're doing a great job" she told him softly. "Merry Christmas". The older lady hugged him one last time before leaving the apartment, only turning back to wave.

* * *

After Max had tidied he went to check on Zoe. She fiercely pretended to be asleep and whilst he could see right through her he left her be. When it came to dinner, she announced that she wasn't hungry and when he tried to get her up hours later for midnight mass she'd flat out refused. Frustrated, Max climbed into bed beside her.

"Zoe I know you're grieving but laying in here isn't going to help you at all" Max told her adamantly. "One day this all has to stop"

Ordinarily, Zoe would have been angry but she didn't have the energy. After all, he was right.

"Jane wants us to go to counselling" Max stated randomly. Zoe recoiled.

"No" she replied stubbornly. "No counselling"

"Okay" Max replied softly, noticing her agitation. "But you need to talk to me then" he added. "I really can't help you if I don't know what's going on up here" her husband whispered, tapping the side of her head. Zoe managed a weak smile.

"I know I'm being impossible" Zoe told him sadly. "And I promise, I'm trying to deal with it. But it's all so hard"

"I know" Max agreed softly. "I'm so proud of you, you're being so brave" he whispered honestly, pressing a kiss into her forehead. Zoe scoffed but hugged him tighter, appreciating his unwavering love and support.

"I love you, you know?" Zoe asked, her voice softly. Max couldn't help the smile that pinched at the corner of his lips.

"I know"

The couple fell into a comfortable silence before Max felt Zoe tugging on his hand.

"Come on, if we leave now we can still make it to midnight mass" she told him with a gentle smile, climbing out of bed. Max watched her pull on a dress before running a brush through her hair.

They walked to church hand in hand and although neither of them were particularly religious, they enjoyed the ceremony. When the clock struck twelve and the organ rang out, Max placed a loving kiss on his wife's lips.

"Merry Christmas" he whispered, resting his forehead against hers.

"Merry Christmas" she smiled softly.


	30. Chapter 30

**Woah, it's been a while. Thank you so much for your lovely reviews. Just after Christmas I dropped and smashed my laptop and then had to wait to get it repaired. As of yesterday I finally have it back so I can finally update this story. Enjoy! x**

 **Chapter Thirty:**

Christmas day itself was a quiet affair. Max eventually turned down his mother's offer to spend Christmas day with her and her new boyfriend. He made a Christmas dinner but the day was mostly spend cuddled together on the sofa watching films and enjoying each other's company. New Years passed in a similar wave of unobtrusive celebrations. The festive period was doing nothing but heal their pain and by the first of January, Max was almost ready to go back to work with Zoe needing a little more time.

On the fifth of January when Max did return back to work, it was a call from Jane that got Zoe out of bed.

"I'd completely understand if you said no-" Jane began, giving Zoe little time to respond. "I've just got a call about an upcoming adoption event and I wondered if you and Max would be interested" Zoe instantly felt her head be thrown into a spin. "It'll just be a chance to meet some children in the area and see if they are any you might be interested in"

"I'll speak to Max" Zoe replied, her heart hammering against her chest.

"Of course" Jane replied softly. Zoe gave a promise to ring back later that evening after she'd spoken to Max.

* * *

It had been a long day. Zoe had tied herself in knots about the adoption event, completely unsure about whether she was ready or not. By the time Max arrived home she was emotionally exhausted.

"Zo!" He called into the hallway, kicking off his shoes. Receiving no reply he walked through to the living room finding her sat on the sofa, staring into space. Max sighed sadly, he thought they were over this.

"Hey" he greeted softly, walking to sit next to her. Zoe turned to him and it was only then did he see the tears running down her cheeks. "What's wrong?" he whispered softly, crouching in front of her.

"Jane called" she managed to reply, her voice barely audible. Max's brow furrowed, waiting for an explanation. "There's an adoption event next week. She said we can meet some of the new children up for adoption and asked if we wanted to go" Max nodded softly.

"And do you?" He asked, taking Zoe's shaking hands in his. The consultant looked down.

"And I bitch for saying yes?" She asked suddenly. Max kissed her cheek.

"Why would you think that?" He asked softly.

"Because we've just lost Noah"

"Zoe" Max sighed, kissing her again. "That doesn't make you a bitch" he tells her adamantly. "It just means you're ready to move on, it's a good thing". Zoe remained silent, craving his gentle touch as he stroked her cheek.

"Do you want to go?" She asked suddenly, finally meeting his gaze as she looks into his eyes. Max hesitated before nodding.

"I think I'm ready" he told her honestly. "And if we're not then we don't have to pursue it until we are". Zoe nodded, blinking away the tears as Max leaned up to kiss her lovingly. "How about I ring Jane back and then I take you out to dinner?" He asked softly, using his thumb to carefully wipe the tears from her cheek. Zoe simply nods before leaning in to kiss him.

* * *

The week passed with Zoe returning back to work. It was difficult at first with everyone eager to ask where she'd been and what how they'd spent the festive period. Unwilling to give much away Zoe tried to stay out of everyone's way until they stopped asking questions. Max did a good job of deflecting their interest and soon Zoe finally started to feel like her life was getting back on track. They even began to meet their friends in the pub after work once again. Max's heart nearly burst with pride when he thought about how far she'd come in such a short space of time. She really did have a strong heart.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked, draping her coat around her shoulders as she stood in the staffroom, staring absently at the kettle. They were heading to the adoption event after Zoe had insisted they work the morning shift, unable to stand the thought of waiting around in the flat until they needed to leave. She gave a brief nod although the fear in her eye gave Max a different answer. "We don't have to go, you know?" He reminded her softly.

"I know" Zoe replied, her voice quiet. "I want to, it's just…" she trailed off.

"Hard, I know" Max replied, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. "But I won't leave your side and if at any point you want to leave just whisper, I don't know, cabbages in my ear and we'll leave straight away"

Zoe relaxed as she giggled, pulling a face.

"Cabbages?"

"Giraffes then" he replied with a laugh, shrugging his shoulders. Zoe giggled again, slipping her hand into her husband's as they walked from the ED.

* * *

When they arrived at the event, they hung back unsure of what to do. Zoe was just about to run out in a last minute panic when she felt a tug at her dress and looked down to find a small boy gazing up at her.

"I'm Harry and I need a new mummy and daddy" he told her with a nervous smile. Drawn to the boy that reminded her of Noah, Zoe was enthralled and was soon building a Lego tower with the boy she'd met only minutes previously. Max, now feeling like a spare part, hung in the corner watching his wife with a lump in his throat. He knew what she was doing and when a second boy, around Noah's age, drew her attention he saw a familiar look in her eye.

"Max" a gentle hand on his shoulder tore him away from the scene in front of him. He turned to find Jane and gave her a soft smile. "I'm glad you came" Max remained silent, his focus quickly returning to Zoe. "She's doing so well" Jane observed with a smile.

"Hmm" was all Max could offer causing Jane to frown. Max gave a sigh. "I think it's too soon" was all he could offer, too shy to admit that Zoe was only drawn to the children that looked like or reminded her of Noah.

Jane attempted to engage him in conversation but he was distant and his eyes barely left Zoe, waiting to swoop in when it all became too much. That moment never came and Max began to doubt his first instinct that she had been trying to replace Noah. His thoughts were however confirmed only moments later. A little girl, no older than 18 months had been tugging at Zoe's arm for several minutes desperate to show her a toy penguin but Zoe had no interest for her. Unable to watch the toddler be ignored any longer Max dropped to his knees giving the girl a lopsided grin.

"I like your teddy" he told her softly. The girl gave a grin.

"Ted, Ted" she repeated bundling the toy into Max's arms. The girl giggled as Max enabled the teddy to dance on the laminate floor and place kisses over the little girl's cheeks. "Ted, Ted" she repeated happily, sitting down on the floor next to Max with a lopsided smile.

* * *

When it was time to leave, Max found it hard to drag Zoe away from the two little boys who appeared to have stolen her heart. Although Max's thoughts were filled with little girl who'd fallen asleep in his lap clutching her teddy bear not long after they'd met. Max tried to focus on the road as he drove them home but there was a strange tension between them and when he looked over at Zoe, it was to find her staring out the window with a heavy sigh.

"What?" She asked coldly, sensing his eyes on her. Max focused his attention back onto the road and slowed for a traffic light. "You're mad at me" Zoe pointed out when her husband failed to reply. Max frowned.

"Why would I be mad at you?" Max asked, his forehead furrowed. Zoe let out another agitated sigh.

"Why would I know?" She snapped although her voice remained quiet. Max felt anger prickle in his stomach but failed to respond, not wanting to make her mood any worse than it already was. "I know which children I want to see again" she announced only moments later. Max gave a frown.

"Do I get a say?" He finally asked, his voice stiff. Zoe managed a shrug but voiced no reply. The rest of the journey was completed in silence.

When they arrived home Max climbed from the car, desperate for the clarity that the fresh air would bring. He looked back to find Zoe still in the passenger seat staring absently up at the moon. He debated asking her if she was coming inside but it decided that perhaps she needed some time to herself, if only for a while. Heading into the apartment he opened the front door before heading straight into the kitchen and reaching for a beer. They hadn't eaten and although his stomach grumbled hungrily, he had a feeling Zoe wouldn't want to eat.

Max was settled on the sofa watching the football highlights when Zoe finally appeared in the doorway. Putting her bag on the sofa she silently padded through to the bedroom, barely even looking at Max.

"Zo?" He called after her but she failed to turn back. By the time he'd reached the bedroom, hot on her heels, she was already pulling off her clothes and climbing into bed despite the fact it was barely even 9pm. Unsure of what to do, he hovered by the door. "Zo?" He began again.

"I don't want a lecture" Zoe replied briskly, reaching out for the TV remote.

"Who said I was going to give you one?" He asked, clambering onto the bed beside her. They sat in silence for a long while, sure they needed to talk but unsure of how to proceed. "Tell me which of the children you'd like to see again then?" He asked finally, his voice soft. She reeled off the names of the little boys she'd met earlier, her eyes fixated on the television.

"Okay" he replied simply. Zoe frowned. "On one condition" he added. Zoe looked at him for a brief moment. "That we see the little girl I was playing with too"

"But-" Zoe began. Her protests made Max sure she was trying to replace Noah somehow and her reluctance to even consider adopting a little girl confirmed it.

"But nothing" Max replied simply. "She was cute and I think you'd really like her" he added softly. Zoe gave a brief nod, returning her attention back to the television. "I'll call Jane in the morning and set up some meetings" At this, Zoe didn't respond. Realising he wasn't going to get any further with her that night Max gave a sigh. "I'm going to make some dinner, do you want anything?"

Zoe shook her head, desperately trying to ignore the tears that threated to spill. Seeing this, Max placed a kiss on her cheek before climbing off the bed, sensing she might need some time alone.

"I'll be in the living room if you need me" he told her quietly. Zoe gave a nod watching him leave the room. Turning off the bedside lamp she let the TV play quietly to herself as she began to cry, questioning why the adoption process was so hard and whether or not it was too soon to be delving back into it so soon after they had lost Noah.


	31. Chapter 31

**Chapter Thirty One:**

A difficult few days followed with Zoe spending more time staring into space than she did doing anything else. She found that she was more short tempered than usual and after the third day, everyone at work began to avoid her. At first Max chased round after her, sorting out her problems and apologising on her behalf. On the fourth day however, he grew tired of doing so when the number of people she had upset seemed to outnumber the amount of hours he had in the day to apologise.

"Max, my office now" he heard Connie call from the doorway of her office. When she clicked her fingers he gave a heavy sigh, begrudgingly walking to her.

"If this is about Zoe-" he began, his voice quiet. Connie didn't reply but stepped aside, letting him through the door. Max gave a heavy sigh as he followed her, falling into the spare office chair. Connie remained silent and Max's anxiety grew, suddenly questioning why he was here.

"Look Max" Connie began, taking a deep breath. "I'm worried about you both" she admitted quietly. "Zoe particularly"

"Me too" Max admitted softly. "She's just struggling after Noah" he attempted to explain. Connie remained silent and Max felt obliged to continue talking. "We went to another adoption event last week and started to look at new children to adopt. She was only drawn to children that looked or reminded her of Noah and refused to pay attention to anyone else"

"All too much, too soon?" Connie asked and Max gave a silent nod.

"Except she's somehow managed to convince the social worker she is okay and we are spending Saturday with one of the new children"

"Oh" Connie's expression fell.

"And as soon as Zoe realises that this little boy isn't Noah, she isn't going to be interested and it will just upset her more" Max pointed out. He was talking quickly now, finally getting a chance to voice all the feelings he'd pent up for the past few days.

"And what about you?" Connie asked, her voice calm. "Do you like any of the children Zoe wants to see again?" Max pulled a face for he hadn't got a chance to know them. He suddenly felt guilty, these children didn't have parents and he longed to be one, yet he was turning his nose up at them.

"I guess" he replied quietly, his voice unsure. He suddenly remembered the sweet one year old who he'd taken a shine too and a smile crossed his lips. "There was this one girl, Aria" he continued. "She was one and she fell asleep in my lap, it was pretty cute" he mused with a smile.

"I can picture you and Zoe with a little girl" Connie replied softly.

"Mm" Max replied with a smile. "Me too"

* * *

"Zo?" Max called into the apartment as he arrived home. Connie had ended up sending her home, despite Zoe's best efforts to cause a fight. She simply wasn't able to concentrate and Connie couldn't count the number of times she'd had to reprimand her colleague for snapping at other members of staff. Receiving no reply, Max called his wife's name again as he kicked off his shoes. Straining, he could hear her chatting quietly to someone. Curious he followed the sound of her voice into the kitchen where she was hanging up the phone.

"Who was that?" He asked, gesturing to her mobile which now lay on the counter.

"Jane" she replied simply. "I was just arranging meeting to spend time with the new children. We're going to spend his Saturday with Harry" she told him, forcing a breezy smile. Max could see right through it but offered his own forced smile.

"Great" he managed to reply.

Zoe busied herself with the washing up, only offering a small "Mm-hmm".

"Connie called me into her office today" Max begun, unsure of what to say. This seemed to catch Zoe's attention and she turned to look at him despite the fact that she couldn't quite catch his eye.

"Oh?" She asked quietly when Max fell silent.

"She told me how she had to send you home and how worried she was about us, you in particular" Max offered, his voice stiff. He saw Zoe's body physically tense. Her gaze fell to the floor as she shifted from foot to foot. Max sighed her name and stepped towards her, unsure of what to say. Max was surprised when Zoe readily stepped into his embrace because they hadn't really spoken since the adoption event and there was always a strange tension that hung in the air.

Zoe instantly relaxed into his arms feeling the comfort she'd been craving for days but was too stubborn to ask for. Max pressed a kiss into her hair, surprised when he felt his shoulder grow wet with tears. "Hey" he murmured softly. His words only seemed to make her tears fall harder and Max tightened his arms around her. "Hey, what's wrong?" He whispered gently. Zoe stepped back wiping at her eyes in order to clear the tears that clouded her vision. She shook her head and forced a smile but Max could see right through her and instead pulled her back into his arms.

"I'm sorry" Zoe suddenly whispered. "I know you must hate me right now-"

"Hey!" Max told her firmly, pulling back to ensure she was looking at him. "I could never hate you" he told her honestly, his voice film. "I love you okay?" Zoe nodded. "And I know you're still finding things tough after losing Noah and the adoption but I will always love you, okay?" She gave another nod at this and allowed a small smile to grace her lips. "I just wish you'd talk to me more about how you were feeling instead of bottling it up and taking it out on people at work" Max told her honestly.

"I know, I'm sorry" she replied, her voice quiet. Max shook his head before placing a kiss to her lips.

"I know this is hard but we'll get through it I promise you" he told her. Zoe gave a shy nod before stepping into his embrace once more.

"I love you" she whispered, her voice barely audible. Max gave a smile before placing a kiss on top of her head, for she very rarely admitted that she loved him.

* * *

Saturday came around and quicker than they would both have liked. They picked Harry up from his foster carers just after lunch. Zoe was reluctant to get out the car with last minute nerves taking over. Max had managed to persuade her with a promise that he wouldn't let go of her hand all day. The four year old was excitable, especially when they told him they were going to spend the afternoon at the zoo. As they walked around the zoo with the little boy between them Zoe and Max remained quiet, listening to the little boy babble on. He was clearly enjoying himself and Max had endeavoured to make sure that was the case.

"Elephants are my favourite!" Harry offered, standing on tiptoes to see over the fence and into the elephant enclosure. Max gave a grin, squeezing Zoe's hand.

"I like the giraffes" Max replied. "What do you like Zoe?"

Zoe gave a shrug but when the little boy looked up with her with wide, expectant eyes and a lopsided grin she found herself replying "the zebras" with a smile.

"I like those too!" Harry replied, absently slipping his hand into Zoe's as they walked towards the café for dinner.

"Shall we go to the shop and look at the toys?" Zoe asked the now tiring child after they had finished dinner. Harry nodded eagerly and took Zoe's hand once more.

"An elephant!" He pointed out, allowing Max to pass him one from the stand in the souvenir shop. Max could see both Harry and Zoe tiring and decided it would be a good idea to wrap up their trip and return the little boy back to his foster carers. "Here you go" Max smiled passing the child the toy elephant he'd just purchased for him.

"Really?" Harry asked excitedly, his eyes lighting up as she took the toy from Max's arms as he smiled. "Thank you so much" he offered, hugging both Max and Zoe in turn.

The journey back to the foster carers was quiet with Harry dozing in the back seat. Zoe stared absently out the window and when Max squeezed her thigh she only managed a small smile before turning her attention back to the passing roads. By the time they'd arrived back Max carried a now sleeping Harry back inside to his foster carers stating that they'd be in touch and explaining that they'd had a good day together. When he returned back to the car it was to find Zoe almost asleep in the passenger seat. They were home and inside the apartment before Zoe found her voice.

"Do you want to watch a film?" She asked, sitting next to Max who was on the sofa quietly sipping a beer.

"Should we not talk?" Max asked softly, pressing a soft kiss into her cheek. Zoe gave a reluctant shrug, her gaze falling into her lap. "Did you not have a nice day?" Max asked, wondering if she felt the same level of uncertainty he did.

Zoe shrugged once more. "I guess" she offered, trying to focus her attention onto the television.

"He was a good kid" Max replied, lifting a hand to her chin in order to focus her attention back onto him.

"I guess" Zoe repeated once more. "But he wasn't…" she trailed off, unable to finish her sentence. "It wasn't right" she decided diplomatically, putting the glass of wine Max had poured her onto the coffee table without even taking a sip.

"He's not Noah?" Max supplied, his voice quiet. When Zoe gave a nod she found her gaze fall back into her lap. "Hey" Max replied softly, lifting a hand to her upper arm. "That's okay" he soothed when he saw the tears form in her tired eyes. "Not every child we meet is going to be right for us. I feel the same way, he was a good kid but…" Max trailed off, unsure of what to say. "He wasn't right, and that's okay"

Zoe gave a small nod, her head finding its way to rest on his shoulder. "Will anyone ever match up to Noah?" She asked suddenly, her voice quiet.

This time it was Max who gave a shrug. "We won't know if we don't keep looking" he replied with a soft smile, pressing a kiss into her hair. When Zoe gave a gentle laugh Max relaxed and kissed her head once more. "We'll get there" he added decisively and for the briefest of moments, Zoe found that she believed him.


	32. Chapter 32

**Chapter Thirty Two:**

"Why?" Zoe whined as Max pushed her out the front door on their day off. It was still early and when Zoe had been warm in bed Max had woken her with pancakes and lopsided grin announcing that they had plans that day.

"Because I said so" Max replied smugly, dropping a kiss to the top of her head. "Now out" he added with a laugh, hanging her coat over her shoulders.

"But where are we going?" She asked, her forehead furrowed into a frown as she followed Max out to the car. Their last few weeks had centred mainly on the adoption and trying to find a suitable child. They'd met up with a few boys from the adoption event but none of them had been what they were looking for and Max was out to lift Zoe's spirits.

"That would spoil the surprise wouldn't it?" Max teased as she climbed into the car beside her.

"But I'm driving?" Zoe replied, her hands in the air. Max gave a soft laugh at her confusion for they hadn't had time for their morning coffee yet.

"I'm great at directions!" Max replied simply. Zoe shrugged her shoulders before rubbing her tired eyes. "Come on you, we've got a packed schedule" he teased laughing when Zoe reluctantly started the engine and followed his directions.

Half an hour later Zoe was making several laps of the roundabout and loudly whining at Max about how he was the worst person at giving directions. He'd fallen asleep and Zoe had ended up following the road, unsure of where to go whilst she tried to wake him. When he'd finally woken up, after Zoe managed to throw an old coffee cup at his head, he announced that they were completely the wrong side of town.

"I hate you" Zoe grumbled as she lapped the roundabout for the third time as Max pointed her in the correct direction.

"I love you too" he replied with a laugh, pointing at a small side road that would hopefully send them much closer to their destination.

* * *

Another hour later and the pair were sat in a small café on the cliff overlooking the beach. Max had brought them to a local seaside town which they'd only visited once before. He'd brought them breakfast and Zoe was feeling a lot more hospitable after several cups of coffee.

"I'm sorry I said that I hated you" Zoe giggled as she placed her knife and fork across her plate, having finished her breakfast.

"It's okay, I know you didn't mean it" Max replied coyly through a mouthful of bacon. Zoe rolled her eyes, placing her hands on top of her very full stomach with a contented sigh.

"So what are your grand plans then Mr Walker?" Zoe asked, deciding that her phone that had been sat on the table could go into her bag because today, she had no use for it.

"I thought we could go for a long walk along the cliffs, maybe head into the town" Max replied, wiping his face with his napkin. "Have fish and chips for tea on the beach perhaps?" He asked which received a nod of approval from Zoe.

"I'm not really wearing appropriate clothes for a walk though" Zoe pointed out, gesturing to her dress and heels. Max gave a laugh.

"It's a good job I put your jeans, a jumper, boots and a coat in the car isn't it?"

Zoe gave a giggle. "I love you" she replied suddenly. Max gave a laugh and then a soft smile, unsure whether or not she was teasing. When he saw her soft expression he reached across the table for her hand.

"I love you too" he replied simply.

* * *

When Zoe had changed they began their walk along the cliff, hand in hand. At first Max had babbled on, insisting on making her laugh but after a while they'd fallen into a companionable silence, enjoying walking with each other.

"It's nice to be together" Zoe admitted suddenly, admiring the view across the cliff. The sun reflected off the sea and she was very glad of her sunglasses that Max had also placed into the back of her car for her. "It feels like we haven't been very good at spending time together in the past few months"

"It's been a difficult few months hasn't it?" Max offered, squeezing her hand when she gave a gentle nod. "I think we need more days like today, when we can forget everything and just be together"

Zoe gave another nod, smiling this time. "Maybe we need date days instead of just date nights?" Zoe offered with a laugh.

"As long as we can still have date nights too?" Max replied quickly, causing Zoe to giggle. When she nodded he gave an audible sigh of relief and Zoe struggled to hide her amusement. They walked another short way in silence, their eyes drawn to the way the sunlight was dancing off the ocean. It was a cold January day but the heat from the sun was a refreshing break from the cold frosts and harsh storms they had been experiencing recently.

"Do you still want to adopt?" Zoe found herself asking suddenly. Max gave a wry smile.

"Do you?" He asked, turning the question around. He saw Zoe give a small nod.

"I do" she replied shyly. "It's just been really hard recently. We've spent every weekend with a different child and none of them have been just right" she replied with a sigh.

"Maybe we're looking in the wrong place?" Max offered, his voice quiet as they stepped aside to let a couple and their Labrador pass them on the small cliff side.

"What do you mean?" Zoe asked when they continued walking.

"Don't bite my head off" Max supplied "but at the adoption event you were drawn to a lot of little boys like Noah and none of them have been right for us because I think we're secretly comparing them all to Noah?" Zoe gave a small nod, her breath hitched. Max squeezed her hand. "Maybe if we looked at some girls, or older children? Someone completely different from Noah"

"Maybe" Zoe replied softly. She knew she had been consciously comparing all the children to Noah because she wasn't sure any child would be as perfect as he was.

"When you were playing with Harry and the boys at the adoption event I played with a little girl" Max continued, pressing a kiss into the top of Zoe's head as they walked. She gave a tentative smile, encouraging him to continue talking despite the fact she was unsure. "She was one and she was called Aria. Aria kept trying to get your attention but you were so engrossed in the boys that I sat down and played with her instead. She was gorgeous Zoe, with a bright blonde bob and gorgeous wide blue eyes"

Zoe could see that Max was enchanted and subconsciously held her breath as she talked. When he described Aria Zoe found herself letting out a shaky outward breath, briefly remembering shaking off the little girl who had been so desperate to show her the bow in her hair.

"It's completely up to you but she's on our shortlist I was wondering if maybe we could spend the day with her?" Max asked carefully. Zoe fell silent, contemplating having a daughter instead of having the son she'd set her heart on. She gave a soft shrug before a gentle smile.

"I'd like that" Zoe replied, her voice quiet.

"Really?" Max asked, a wide grin pinching at his lips. When Zoe gave a tentative nod Max wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss into her forehead. "You're amazing" Max told her happily, bending to kiss her lips. Zoe gave a smile and Max noticed that for the first time in a long time, it finally reached her eyes.

* * *

The rest of the day was spent as planned, wandering around the local town discussing the possibility of having a daughter instead of a son. Zoe found that instead of being apprehensive, she was excited although she regretting not playing attention to the little girl at the adoption event. When they were sat on the beach watching the sun set, fish and chips in hand, Zoe found herself cuddled into her husband's side.

"Do you want me to ring Jane tomorrow about seeing Aria?" Zoe offered, hoping the little girl Max had fallen for was still at the care home. Max gave an eager nod, reaching down to bury a kiss in her hair.

"If it's okay with you?" He supplied, as an afterthought.

Zoe gave a decisive nod. "I'd like nothing more" she told him with the same lopsided grin that pinched at the corner of his own lips.


	33. Chapter 33

**Thank you for the continued support with this story! This is a short filler chapter I'm afraid.**

 **Chapter Thirty Three:**

Zoe had been at work the following day when she'd finally found the courage to ring Jane. Max was still at home as he was on the late shift and Zoe wanted to greet him, with what would hopefully be good news when he arrived.

"Jane?" Zoe asked tentatively as she heard rustling on the other end of the phone.

"Zoe!" Jane greeted. "How are you?"

"Good" Zoe offered, her nerves evident as she spoke. "I was calling about potentially seeing one of the little girls we met at the event" Zoe spoke softly.

"Okay?"

"Apparently Max was playing with a little girl called Aria and he was really taken with her" Zoe explained. Jane smiled on the other end of the phone for she remembered fondly. "We were wondering if we could still meet Aria and perhaps spend some time with her?"

"I'll check on the database but as far as I know, she's still at the care home" Jane smiled. Zoe could hear her tapping away on the computer through the phone and her nerves grew as Jane fell silent for a short moment. "Yeah, she's still in Holby. When would you like to meet her?"

"As soon as possible?" Zoe asked, letting out a deep sigh of relief.

"What about tomorrow afternoon?" Jane asked. "How does that work around your shifts?"

"We'll get the time off" Zoe replied adamantly, a smile on her lips at the thought of the little girl Max had described to her. Her heat soured at the idea of Max and a little daughter whom could wrap him around her little finger. "That would be perfect"

"I'll sort it all out and meet you both at the care home tomorrow afternoon? I'll text you the details" Jane replied, once again tapping away on her keyboard.

"Thank you so much!" Zoe replied, now unable to stop the grin that pinched at the corner of her lips.

* * *

The time until lunch seemed the drag and Zoe found herself constantly hanging around reception waiting for Max to arrive, eager to tell him the good news. When he'd finally arrived, late as he'd been unable to find a clean shirt, Zoe was tied up in resus. She saw him walk past and sighed, looking down at the patient she'd been unable to leave.

"Max!" Zoe called an hour later when Max walked past her office. He appeared in the doorway which a coffee which he instantly handed to her. He dropped a kiss to her head.

"Hello you" he replied, taking the spare seat in her office.

"Guess what?" Zoe asked, unable to contain her excitement.

"You've brought me a helicopter!" Max replied, his eyes wide. Zoe gave a giggle and when she did she found that her nerves dissipated slightly.

"What are you doing tomorrow afternoon?" She asked.

"Is this a trick question?" Max teased and when Zoe shrugged Max replied "working."

"What if I said we could go and spend the afternoon meeting Aria?" Zoe asked, her eyes wide with excitement. Max's jaw dropped open slightly. "I rang Jane" Zoe offered in pointless explanation.

"Are you serious?" Max asked, jumping up and walking around to Zoe. When she gave a nod, a grin on her lips Max threw his arms around her. "I can't believe it" Max whispered.

"Well you better had!" Zoe grinned, tightening her grip around his waist before softly kissing his lips.


	34. Chapter 34

**(Apologies that this is awful!)**

 **Chapter Thirty Four:**

When Zoe met Aria the following afternoon it was like the breath had been drawn from her body. The little girl was even more beautiful than Max could have ever described. She had a short bob with bright blonde hair and wide blue eyes that had Zoe instantly captivated. They had the playroom of the care home to themselves and they stood from the doorway watching Aria play with a dolls house, chatting away to herself. The little girl, now 19 months old turned as she heard voices in the doorway and jumped to her feet excitement at the prospect of new people to play with.

"Ari" Jane smiled, bending down to the little girl. Aria gave a shy smile, her eyes drawn to both Max and Zoe who hung awkwardly behind their social worker. "Would you like to meet some new people?" She didn't respond but instead kept her eyes focused on Max. When Jane held her hand out to Aria she obediently took it and allowed herself to be led across the room.

"Hiya" Aria offered shyly, giving a small wave.

"Hello" Max responded softly, crouching to the little girl. Zoe followed his lead.

"This is Max. Can you say Max?" Jane asked.

"Axe?" Aria replied. Max gave a laugh but nodded anyway, clapping his hands as he told her she was right. Aria gave a grin. She pointed at Zoe before shrugging.

"That's Zoe" Max told her.

"Oh-e?" Aria asked and Max gave a laugh. When he looked over at Zoe it was to find her giggling. "Axe!" The little girl suddenly requested toddling over to the bookshelf on unsure legs. "Axe. Book. she called, pointing at the shelf. As Jane made herself comfortable in the corner, Max and Zoe followed the girl over to the bookcase.

"You want me to read you a book?" Max asked, smiling when the little girl nodded enthusiastically.

"Book" she beamed, tugging at Zoe's hand. "Oh-e, up"

"Up?" Zoe asked, lifting Aria onto her hip. Aria grinned, happily settling down into Zoe's arms. "Oh-e, sit" The doctor found herself giggling at the little girl who clearly had plans to run her ragged. Zoe followed her instructions however and placed the little girl onto the nearby sofa. When she sat beside her Aria shook her hand before clambering onto her lap. Max watched the exchange with a smile on his face as Aria put her thumb into her mouth and cuddled into Zoe's lap.

"Aria, which book would you like?" Max asked.

When the toddler gave no response Zoe offered "Ari, which book do you want Max to read you?"

"Doggy book" she shouted, clapping her hands in excitement.

"This one?" He asked, pulling a pop-up, dog book from the shelf. When Aria gave a nod he smiled before following them over to the sofa. As he sat beside Zoe and began to read the book both Aria and his wife gave a contented sigh that made him smile. Aria pointed happily at all the characters and played along with the story as if it was the first time she'd heard it. She clapped happily and shouted excitedly as Max read to her.

"Again?" The toddler asked hopefully when the book came to an end. Max exchanged a lopsided grin with Zoe before starting the book again, much to the little girl's excitement.

* * *

It was three hours later when Jane admitted that Aria would need to start getting ready for her dinner now. They'd read books, played with the doll's house, chatted, messed with toys and cuddled. It had been perfect.

"No!" Aria protested when Max and Zoe bent down for hugs and kisses goodbye.

"We'll see you again soon?" He offered sadly. The little girl gave a wail and buried her head into his chest, clearly upset about being parted from the pair. Max gave her a long hug before passing her onto Zoe who kissed the top of her head.

"If you go and get ready for dinner like a big girl, I'll bring you a present next time" Zoe offered, blinking away her own tears. Aria pulled back to check her how genuine her offer was before giving a nod. "What's your favourite?"

"Peppa" she replied, pointing to her Peppa Pig t-shirt. Zoe gave a grin.

"Peppa it is. See you soon little one" Zoe replied, kissing the girl's head once more before watching her toddler off with a care worker from the home to get ready for dinner and her bath time.

"Bye" Max called, giving a wave when Aria looked back. She waved as she walked almost tripping over her own feet as she walked from the room.

"You two were brilliant" Jane told them with a smile as they remained in the playroom for a debrief.

"She's adorable" Zoe replied simply.

"She certainly is"

"Is anyone else interested in adopting her?" Max asked.

"Not that I know of" Jane replied. "She's a difficult age. People tend to either want babies or almost self sufficient children who require a little less effort" she explained carefully. "Would you like to arrange to see her again?"

Max looked at Zoe before they both gave an eager nod. "Please" Zoe replied, her eyes wide and mixed with hope and a certain level of anxiety.

"I'll need to check but you can probably take her out this weekend if that fits in with your work schedules?" Both Max and Zoe exchanged and excited grin before nodding simultaneously.

"We could take her to Peppa Pig World!" Max suddenly exclaimed. Zoe gave a giggle before a nod, slipping her hand into Max's.

"I think you'd be very popular" Jane replied with a smile, happy that Zoe and Max may finally have found their future in Aria.

* * *

They were laid in bed later that evening, in a comfortable silence. They'd gone out for tea on the way home and talked about little more than Aria and their plans for the weekend. Feeling the same excitement they had with Noah meant they were both feeling a little strange but enthusiastic about the future all the same.

"What are you doing?" Zoe asked curiously as she watched Max tap away on his laptop.

"Looking at Peppa Pig World" he replied sheepishly. "I think she's going to love it" he replied, turning the laptop to show Zoe. Her eyes opened wide at the website, the place looked amazing and completely perfect for a small Peppa Pig enthusiast.

"I really hope this works out" Zoe declared a short while later.

"What? Peppa Pig World?" Max teased, running his hands through her hair.

"No, Aria" she replied quietly. "I think she could be good for us"

"Me too" Max agreed, bending to press a kiss into her forehead. "I've got a good feeling about this Zo, I think it might all work out" he told her softly. Zoe gave an unsure smile, settling further into his chest. The pair fell silent for a long while before Zoe suddenly began to giggle.

"What?" Max asked, amused.

"Axe" she giggled making Max roll his eyes.

"Alright Oh-e" he teased. "I don't know what you're giggling about!" The pair descended into laughter and for the first time in the longest while, they both fell asleep with a smile playing on their lips.


End file.
